eyes of the mind

chapter 4

Waking up this morning I was actually looking forward to going to school.

After August dropped me off at home we exchanged numbers and he kissed me goodnight.

It wasn't as intense as the one we had prior that night, something friendlier and innocent.

It was still hot seeing as summer is nearing its end. I decided to wear thrift store jorts with a fitted black crop top and black and white converse.

I put my hair in a high pony tail and with that I hopped on my bike and went to school.

As I'm locking my bike up I noticed everyone seemed a bit more at ease than they were yesterday.

As I walk the school hallways to get to my locker I see the circle of jocks but something stuck out to me.

I see Brock and August but what was really weird was, Brock had his arm around Carol while she was nuzzling her nose to his neck.

I cringe at that and expect to see August frigid at the sight of them together but he seemed a bit occupied with this girl.

She seemed athletic, like a swimmer, she had pitch black hair, olive skin, long legs and everything that I'm insecure about. She is the epitome of beauty and August was short of tonguing her down in the hallway.

As I am looking at them I notice I'm staring to the point, the girl around August arm had looked at me like I was gross which led to August looking at me. It looked like he stared me down with distaste but smirked at me to let me know he was joking.

I rolled my eyes and then walked away to put on my midwest emo playlist to blast through my headphones.

—

I walked out of my english class to the dining hall.

As I am shuffling through my books to have them in order for my locker I feel a bump to my shoulder and my books fall.

I look back to see that beefy freshman staring at me walking off while his laughter filled the hallway.

"Nevel is just intimidated because he finds it hard to read" a deep voice says from above me.

I laugh as I look up to see Brock Hurly. In all his glory clad in his sports jacket and loose dark washed jeans with black and white converse.

He crouches down to help me with my books as I gush at the fact that he's helping me out.

"Well that is a sad fate, I assume kindergarten wasn't so kind to him" I state with a joking tone.

"Dead Poets Society? I love that book I think the movie portrays it so well the ending had me a bit emotional" He says nonchalantly.

"I cried like a baby after consuming both, The Perks of Being a Wallflower had me crying my eyes out too" I say.

We both get up with my books in hand walking to my locker and he helps me put my books in.

"Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it" I say keeping strong eye contact.

He seemed stuck as I look at him for a moment wondering if I should say something.

"Sorry, lost my train of thought but do you want to sit with me at lunch? If you have no other plans?" he asked.

"Well do you want to sit with me at lunch? A change from your regular scene?" I ask.

I assume he's going to reject my offer but he surprises me by agreeing so we make our way to the stoner bleachers.

—

"You know those things can kill you right?" he says.

"Yeah well we're all going to die anyways but I have been trying to quit" I say as I exhale the smoke from my lungs.

"So you looked pretty cozy this morning, I'm not a stalker or anything just observant" I say shyly.

He bites his apple and then speaks. "Yeah, she broke my heart and asked for a second chance. I told her I had to think about it but she knows how to pull my heart strings".

He looks at me looking like he wants to ask me a question, or ask him more about what him and Carols relationship entails.

So I did.

"So does that mean you guys are together?" I flick my cigarette somewhere behind me.

"Well not officially, I don't want to put myself out there to get hurt again. Plus I see that I haven't gave anyone else a chance" he smiles and gives me his apple and I take a bite.

We moved onto a different topic after I see a handwritten note from his mom and her calling him Ron.

We laugh about his embarrassing childhood stories and share his lunch that his mom packed.

He helps me up and he holds my hand longer than he should but I don't pull my hand away and he doesn't drop mine.

We walk hand in hand up to the school entrance where Brock hears his name while we are having our conversation.

"Yo B, wait up" screams August a little distance away.

As August makes his way towards us, he does a double take at me but seems unfazed as he goes into conversation with Brock.

"Everyone was looking for you at lunch, Carol thought you went missing or something" he pants out while looking at me and Brock's hands.

I pull my hand away to adjust my tote, which led both Brock and August to look at me.

"I got to go to class, it was nice having lunch today with you Ron" I laugh out.

"You promised not to utter that beyond the safe space" he fake pouted.

"Text me later? Maybe we can learn the definition of secrecy" he laughs out.

"Why? When I could just look the definition up in a dictionary" I beam at him.

"You're so ancient just google it, because there is no way you have an actual dictionary" he says genuinely curious.

We were so engrossed in our  conversation we didn't notice August was still there and when I did look at him I saw his hands clenched and knuckles white.

"I'll talk to you later" I say and hug Brock.

As I walk away I don't get far. Foot steps heard from behind me which causes me to turn around faster than a blink of an eye.

"So are you guys picking a date yet or are you just fucking" August says as he yanks my arm to hide us behind a wall so we can go unseen.

I snatch my arm away, "What is your deal, we were just hanging out, he helped with my books and wanted to have lunch together" I say defensively.

"I don't owe you an explanation, we're not together, you have someone" I state.

"I don't want you to fall in love with him, fall in love with me" he whispers as he traps me within the space we're in.

And with that he smashes his lips on mine and we start to make out.

Not the sweet kiss we had last night, no, this kiss felt territorial but overwhelmingly scared.

Scared that he would lose me.