Love Finds A Way

14

WORKING ON the show has gotten so much more fun, since I know that in only a couple of weeks, Bethany will be in front of these cameras. I can't wait to work alongside her. It's making me smile more, laugh more, and be even more attentive. Even Saskia asked if I'm okay, since I've been ignoring all of her snarky comments, and not stressing about the simplest things. My coworkers think that I'm getting laid, but nope, I'm not.

Petah has been staying at a hotel for the past few days, and the kids have been talking to me less. Only Jane calls to check up on me. And Christopher texted a few times. Regardless of everything, he never contacts much, so it's nothing unusual when it comes to him. Not having Mary constantly around is extremely new. I can't believe that she's on Petah's side of all of this, both her and her brother, Ethan.

"We're just going to get dinner. And I wanted to invite your girlfriend," Anderson mentions. Anderson's birthday is the next day. And he's pushing me to join him, and his husband for a double date. Why does he want to spend his birthday with two lesbians? I don't know.

"She's not my girlfriend!" He pats my shoulder, not dropping his assumption. Do Bethany and I look like a couple? Does everyone know about us? There's no us to know about anyway!

"Okay, I invited her as one of our many friends," he says. I can't believe he asked Bethany without letting me know first. He knows that I would say no!

"She's not your friend," I mumble. He's only seen her about three times at the studio.

"A friend of a friend is indeed my friend," I'm becoming annoyed, so I hold my hand up, and walk away.

I head into my office, only to find Saskia and Millie having an argument. Why is my lead actress and recurring one, having a fight?

"Girls, what's going on?" They both shoot me a glare, and I can already see that my day is going to take a turn for the worse.

"I'd like for you to drop her, before the next season," Saskia responds in a bitchy tone, making Millie's jaw drop. I quirk my brow, and cross my arms over my chest. Millie's always been a nuisance for all of us, but it's not my decision to cut her loose.

"Not my decision to make, you know that."

Saskia walks closer, and places her hand on my shoulder. I'm more intimidating than Anderson, yet they always come to me with their problems, "but you and your friend can work it out, can't you?" Saskia's eyes flutter, and she bites down on her bottom lip. This just got awkward.

"You can't be serious!" Millie shrieks, tears falling from her eyes. I feel like a bag of stones is dropped on my already aching shoulders.

Saskia says, "I am. You're a liability for this show. And should be sent off with no return," if I remember the script correctly, Millie was only supposed to be a part of the show for a few episodes of one season, but that turned into multiple seasons, even though she's never gained much of a fanbase. Unless you count her instagram feed of a few thousand followers. But even my daughters have more than her, especially with all the delicious treats that they post.

"She will be a part of the show for as long as she's needed," I say. I look at Millie, ignoring Saskia's intense disapproval.

"That's all I needed to hear," Millie wipes away her tears, which I now realize are fake. I take a deep breath, and watch her leave my office, slamming the door behind her. That's rude.

"Xiomara," I look back at Saskia, and she's running her index finger over my shoulder blade. To serve what purpose? I'm not willing to find out. I step back, and head behind my desk, leaving her in distraught, "oh, come on, I've been hitting on you for years, and when some new girl comes along, your eyes are only stuck on her?" I know that she's referring to Bethany, and I'm surprised by what she says. She's been hitting on me? Just moments ago is the first time she's ever been so close to me.

"I don't know what you're talking about," so everyone has noticed my admiration for the new brunette on set. I want to slap my forehead in frustration, but avoid doing so.

"Is she your girlfriend?" I press my lips together in consideration. Why am I considering how to answer her question? It's a no, right? Bethany and I are just friends, aren't we? Yeah, Xiomara, keep lying to yourself, but no one else is being fooled.

"She's just a great actress that I'm looking forward to working with," that's not a lie at all. I smile and cross my arms over my chest, waiting for her to respond.

Saskia scoffs. She's beautiful, and one of my most prized possessions. Without her, I wouldn't have won those two oscars, and without me, she wouldn't have either. We're a great team, even though we sometimes can't get along. The show has been a major success over the years, and I couldn't be more proud of it.

"Mom?" My eyes flicker towards the door, and my heart nearly stops inside of my chest. Ethan. I haven't seen that precious face in too long.

"I guess I'll just go," Saskia huffs and leaves, but not without checking out my son first. He gives her a smile, but quickly looks away, and walks in. He stands awkwardly in front of my desk, seemingly trying to find words to say.

"I've missed you," I decide to hug him, because I indeed missed him alot. He's my baby boy, and I hate that he's been so upset with me.

"Yeah, me too," he barely hugs back. I step away, and run my thumb across his cheek. He seems so miserable, making me wonder how everything at school is going.

"Come here," I take his hand, and lead him over to the couch. It breaks my heart to see so much pain in his eyes, "tell me what's wrong."

I assume that it has to do with Petah, but I'm hoping it's not. There's a lot of things that I'm willing to sacrifice for my children's happiness, even my own. But I don't think I'm willing to lose my dignity for their sake.

"I never got over the divorce I guess," he says. I lower my eyes, and trace the back of his palm with the tip of my index finger. Giving Petah another chance is a lot to consider, especially with Bethany in the picture now. I just don't know if I can attempt to ignore what my heart wants. My heart? I close my eyes for a moment.

"I see that," my eyes fail to meet his, and he places his hand in mine, tightening his grip, "Ethan, I really don't think I can—"

"Just one dinner, please? She deserves at least that," but what do I deserve? Don't I at least deserve the choice to say no?

My heart... is at so many odds right now, "did she put you up to this?"

"No," I know better than to believe that. One dinner will never just be so simple. They'll expect me to fall into Petah's arms—for me to remember the love that I once felt for her. I'll be expected to go on another date and another, and date my ex-wife. Till I'm suffocating and...

This is something I wanted up to six years ago. Damn. Petah and I don't want the same things at the right time. When I wanted her, she didn't want me. And now that she wants me, I don't want her.

"Ethan, I really don't think it's a good idea to reopen these wounds," he shifts away from me, and I can see the anger in his eyes.

"It's one date, Mom. If it doesn't go well, I promise to never bring this up again," I really want to refuse, I need to. But he's making it so fucking hard.

"Fine."