The Luna

Forty-seven

Austin's words move through my head, every possible meaning behind them running around, leaving me still speechless.

The Angel on my shoulder wants to believe him and believe this is the something I was waiting for. Austin is saying what I've been wanting him to say and I should be ecstatic. But the Devil on the other shoulder is louder, saying he's only talking out of guilt.

Austin just feels responsible for all that has happened. Malachi getting stabbed, me and whoever else getting hurt, and whatever else I'm missing - he feels responsible for all of it and wants forgiveness.

I don't want him to feel guilty because he didn't push me out, of Larkspur. He was just being honest about his feelings, which is what anyone wants in any type of relationship. It was me, I left willingly, so if anyone is to blame for the outcome, it's me.

But how do I explain it all to him?

"It seemed an easier break for me to just leave," and that's the simple truth of it, regardless of feelings.

I could say that I didn't want to stay and watch him love someone else. But if I'm being honest that doesn't matter because I would've always wondered.

Would she be making him laugh the way he had around me? Or if he holds her at night, whispering all the sweet nothings into her ear that he had whispered into mine.

So if I stayed to watch it or not wouldn't make a difference because I would have been tortured by it either way.

But leaving him in Larkspur would be easier for me to move on.

If I were to stay around him, I would constantly be questioning every little look he'd give me, even if he was with someone else. I'd always hope that he'd change his mind and be mine if I just waited in the wings long enough for him to figure it out.

"That's not what I meant, look," he pauses to gather his thoughts, his hand running through his hair, "Choosing a mate is a huge deal for us,"

"Austin, please you don't have -"

"No, I do because you're human and don't understand but I need you to. You put me on the spot and that wasn't fair. I wasn't given a chance to explain myself and when I was finally able to go find you, to talk, you were gone!" he had stepped away from me, slowly pacing the length of the bed but stopped and turned sharply to face me.

"Do you know how that felt? You knew I had feelings for you so why would you just leave?" hurt flashes across his face and he doesn't even attempt to mask it.

I'm so stunned at his open display of vulnerability that I'm speechless. My mind reeling with his words as guilt and hope swirl within me and I don't know what to do with myself. I hurt him when I left, even though I didn't think he'd care.

I want to leap into his arms, begging for his forgiveness while I kiss him. But I'm still scared to get too ahead of myself. Yes, he said some heavy things and alluded to having more romantic type feelings for me, but alluded is not definite.

"You have feelings for me?" my voice is small and I want to shy away from the insecurities that are rising within me, but I need to know.

Because I have been head over heels in love with Austin for longer than even I think. And the possibility that I'm misunderstanding him and setting myself up for another heartbreak is almost more than I can bear.

"How can you ask me that, Mia?" he looks offended as he sets his hands on his hips, "After everything we've been through? When I was the one pushing for you not to be afraid of us because I didn't want you to be afraid of me,"