You

27

*Indigo

This is all my fucking fault bro. I've brung all of this drama into her life.
My dad has almost took advantage of her, taking her away from me and not letting her see me. Letting my mom get into my head to make me disrespect her. Moving her down here and shit keeps happening. Told Amanda she was pregnant, some how she told Grant now our baby is gone.

THIS SHIT IS MY FUCKING FAULT!!!

I was still in the shower. I know Mari wants to talk to me but I don't know what to say. I just feel so numb. I've been in the shower almost 2 hours now. I decided to gone bathe and get out. Once I got out I went into the room. Mari was knocked out. Those pain pills knocks her out. I grabbed some briefs and a sports bra, I put them on, went back into the bathroom and cleaned it. I went downstairs to get me a drink. I went downstairs, Jilly and Aja was sitting at the island talking. I went to the mini bar and pour me some henny and threw it back. I poured some more and threw that one back.

"Can we talk to you??" Aja asked as they looked at me

I poured another glass and went behind the island and leaned on the stove.

"Indigo are you fine??" Aja asked

"I'm fine..." I said obviously lying

"You aren't acting like it..." Jilly said

"It's just a lot going on.." I said drinking some more

"Let's talk about cuz it driving Mari crazy that you aren't talking to her..." Aja said

" I didn't know what to say to her..." I said truthfully

"What you mean??" Jilly asked looking confused

"If she wasn't with me nun of this would've happened. She be living a normal life. She wouldn't be going through all this drama. She would've had her baby. I can't give her that I'm surrounded by drama..." I said as tears roll down my face
"I wasn't there when she needed me. I didn't even get to see the baby..." I said as more tears started coming down
"I don't deserve her. She hasn't did anything and so much is going wrong for her..." I said

I looked up at them

"It's my fault..." I said softly

"Not it's not..." they both said

"Yeah, it's my fault. IT'S MY FUCKING FAULT!!!" I said throwing the class cup breaking it on the floor

More tears fell as I went outside and sat by the pool. How I didn't know. I could've known. I thought the drama was over.

I didn't even know where to start. How am I supposed to tell Mari how sorry I am. How sorry I am for putting her through all this drama and hurt. I can't even look in her eyes without feeling guilty. I really really hate this. I don't like not talking to Mari but I don't know what to say. I can barely look at her right now, let alone talk to her. It has nothing to do with her, it's me.

All night I sat outside all night. Mind going crazy. I was laying on the beach chair and ended up falling asleep. I woke to being shook.

"Indigo.. Indigo..." T said shaking me

I opened my eyes and looked up at her.

"Come on go in the house..." she said looking down at me

I raised up, went upstairs and got back in the shower. I needed to take another shower cuz I smelt like night air. After I got out the tub, I put on some more brief and a white Tee. I slide into the bed and wrapped some cover around myself. I felt Mari legs moving. She came over so her body could be touching mine. I couldn't even turn around cuz I couldn't look in her eyes right now. She didn't move any further then she already was. I know she wants to be under me but I can't do that cuz how and what I'm feeling. I can't shake the feeling. I feel like I'm the blame for all this. Everything that's been going wrong in our relationship is because of me.