Since You've Been Gone

chapter 26- walking out

the night we met - lord huron

As soon as we got to Connor's house, both he and Layla started putting everything together for our movie night.

When we were younger, the three of us used to have a movie night at Connor's house every Friday. It was a silly tradition that we kept up until he moved, but it was one of my favorite things we did together.

Layla and I had curled up on the pull-out couch in Connor's living room while he sprawled out across the cracked leather couch. They tried their hardest to make me laugh with their corny jokes and continuously made sure I had a steady supply of popcorn. But I couldn't help but wipe my eyes from the never-ending tears each time my phone lit up beside me.

Layla had fallen asleep during the middle of Mamma Mia 2, and now as the credits were rolling, Connor and I were still awake.

"Hope?" Connor spoke up. He had his arm propped up behind his head and was turned to look at me.

"Hmm?"

"C'mere." He beckoned me over and raised the blanket that was covering his lower half.

Slowly, I got up, trying my hardest not to wake up Layla. She was a super light sleeper, and I did not want to hear her complain tomorrow morning that I woke her up.

Connor sat up, his long legs still taking up two-thirds of the couch. The leather was cool, against my skin as I sat down on the opposite side from him.

"Why are you so far away?" He asked. I could see the small smile on his face from the glow of the TV.

I shrugged in response to his question and fiddled with my fingers. I knew that if I sat any closer to him, I would forget all about him ignoring our kiss and how much that hurt me.

"H..." Connor's tone was soft and almost pleading. I wanted nothing more than to climb into his arms and let him hold me all night long, but I couldn't. I knew I had to stand up for myself. I needed answers.

"Why didn't you answer my texts?" My voice was hoarse from all of the crying I had been doing, and I think Connor was surprised I was even talking. "I texted you like three times, and you never answered. What if I needed help or something?"

"But you didn't need help you wanted to talk about-"

"So, you read them and just didn't answer." I scoffed. "You're acting like that makes it any better."

"I didn't know what to say, Hope."

"Anything, Connor. You literally could have said anything, and that would have been better than you blatantly ignoring my texts." Connor bit his lip and sighed. "If you didn't want to kiss me, then you shouldn't have kissed me back."

"No!" Connor nearly shouted. We both looked over at Layla, who was thankfully still sleeping and oblivious to our bickering. "I wanted to kiss you, Hope. God, I wanted to kiss you so bad."

"So why didn't you answer my texts? Why did you go see Aspen right after? I mean, what is going on in your head Connor?"

"I don't know, Hope." He reached over to me and grabbed my hands. "I love you, and I've always wanted to be with you, but I really like Aspen. I don't want to ruin what we have if we start a relationship, and it doesn't work out."

My heart felt like it was on fire. God, maybe I shouldn't have brought this up. He couldn't have said anything worse. I can't believe I was so foolish to think that I would even have a chance with Connor.

"Okay." I took my hands out of Connor's grasp and got off the couch.

"Where are you going, H?"

"Home."

"It's almost two in the morning, Hope. Can we please talk about this?"

"We just did talk about it, Connor. I think I made it clear that I like you, and you made it clear that you like Aspen more." I picked up my phone and pulled up Tobias' contact. He would be awake without a doubt I was just hoping that he was sober. Quickly, I sent him a message.

"Hope, please."

"Connor, I don't know what you want me to say. I liked our kiss, and I was kind of hoping that you did too. I'm sorry that you have a girlfriend though, I should have thought about that before I got carried away."

My phone buzzed in my hand.

'Not drunk. Be there in 5.' Thank God for Toby.

"Did you not just hear me? I just said I love you, Hope."

"I heard you." Connor had followed me down the hallway, and our hushed argument was continuing as I put my shoes on. "I know you care about me C but, I don't know if you see me as your friend or something more. I don't want to give you an ultimatum because my life is such a shit show that I have no room to judge yours, but whatever this is is honestly exhausting. Either you're in, or you're out."

My phone buzzed in my hand again.

'Here.'

"Please don't do this, Hope. Please." Connor's eyes were swimming with emotions, and I could practically feel all of them radiating off of his body. The tension in his shoulders and face and the way his lips were turned down gave away just how much this conversation was affecting him.

I took a deep breath, and I could feel myself shake as I let the air out of my lungs. "I'll see you later."

As I closed the front door to Connor's house, I couldn't help but feel a sense of proudness underneath all of the sadness that was taking over my body. I was proud that I stood up for myself and told Connor how I felt, but I couldn't help but fear that I had just ruined our friendship.

"What happened?" Tobias asked when I got into his truck.

"I don't want to talk about it."

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so dramatic, ahh. *sips tea* hope y'all enjoyed it!