Forever Till death...

twenty two...

The sight and sound of red and blue lights had always freaked me out. They signified death, tragedy , they were the cool wind that came after a dark storm. To me, they showed up after the final blow was dealt, when the bad guy got what he wanted. I never thought they could signify hope. I could hear them in the distance. A singlet of hope was in me but I was filled with dread. It was quiet in the house. Jason being Jason probably heard them before me.But he didn't show it. I'd  left him in his study and I hadn't heard a sound since.

 This was more terrifying than having him right infront of me screaming at me, hell even choking me. I'd would much rather have him where I could see him and gage his reaction. My mother had once told me to be wary of silence in the presence of a lion. When the lion roared you could guess that it was angry and wanted to hurt you. You could even anticipate its actions.

But when it shut up, you were in big trouble because it was hunting, surveying and calculating the best way to deal with its whatever was in its line of sight. It usually didn't end well for the prey. 

I opened the door to my room and let myself out as silently as possible. I'd rather be out of the house when they got here away from Jason and his wrath. He wouldn't go down quietly and i wouldn't want to be in his way.

I put one foot into the kitchen the other protectively on my belly. I'd get out of this mess alive , preferrably before I was too round to run.

"Going somewhere" 

I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of his voice. He was seated at the corner of the kitchen table a glass tumbler in his hand swirling a potent mi=xture from the smell of it. Just at the right angle for anyone entering the kitchen not to see.

"You said I wasn't trapped in this house." He lifted his eyes slowly to mine making me clutch my sweater tighter on my belly. His eyes drifted downwards to my hand and a small smile formed on his lips before they set to a grim line.

"We're expecting guests. apparently" he said his knee bouncing lightly under the table. Hell. I'd never seen Jason show signs of nerves. He 'd always been calm.

I kept silent and swallowed hard. " I'd offer you a drink, being my last, but your carrying my baby in there." he said pointing his index finger at my belly before curling it around the glass again.

 My feet started backtracking subtely behind me. The sirens were getting closer. I could stall him before he snapped. He looked wired, ready to snap.

"Stop. " he said closing his eyes,"You don't have to run from me anymore." He took a sip his eyes still closed face towards the floor.

"I'm sorry." I had to strain to hear him say that. The sirens sound became less faint." for what?" I asked moving slightly more into the kitchen.

"For all of this. Everything. Me. " He opened his eyes tears glistening in his eyes but not falling.

"We could have been happy you know. Just me and you but....uh... I'm- I didn't do it right."

If I could open my eyes wider I would have. His voice cracked as he spoke and since the time I found out about him I experienced an emotion I thought  was dead towards him. I didn't even know what it was exactly but it wasn't the hate I was accustomed to.

"I fuc ked up when all I wanted was to make you happy. Promise me . Promise me you'll do right by our baby. She won't be anything like me. I want her to be you.Perfect in every way. Exactly like you. And one day you'll let me see her even after they put me away.Even if for a minute."

"I .. I"

"I don't deserve even that but I'm going away Keira . They'll probably put me in a mental for life which is worse than maximum.I'll confess to framing Matthew and Sally.  It's what you want right?"

My mouth opened and closed. My heart bled a little as I glimpsed the man I fell in love with. "I can't and won't bother you or her from there. You deserve to be free of my sadistic tendencies. I will never deserve you. I deserve to rot in hell. You deserve a happy life  free of Jason." the last part made him smile sadly.

"I love the way you say my name. " he mused to himself before coming back . His eyes snapped to me a determined look in them,"You'll get what you deserve and so will I. " He chugged down the remaining contents of his tumbler and set it on the table.

"As a matter of fact, here comes my welcoming party to my new life." he said pushing the chair away from the table . I'd been so caught up listening to himI hadn't heard the sirens blasting a few feet away from the house. I heard the slamming of doors as I watched Jason walk to the door he unlocked it and turned around to face me his large frame illuminated by the lights from outside.

"I love you. Both of you." he said letting his hands rest on his sides just as the door opened forcefully and blinding flashlights were pointed in our direction. I watched in almost slow motion as he went to his knees willingly and let two men put his hands behind his back . My mouth was still open as I watched the flurry of activity. 

I nearly had a heart attack as Jason appeared infront of my eyes rubbing my arms soothingly.

"Hey. Hey. I'm not him. Its me Jamie? The cop?" my beating heart slowed significantly as I looked into his warmer shade of grey eyes and I took in a deep breath I had no idea I was holding.

I threw my arms around him  realising that had started crying.He let me use him as a tissue holding me lightly in an almost impersonal way but warm enough to let me know he was a friend . I pulled away from him realising my selfishness.

"Matty?" I asked looking into the face that could remind me the man who'd made my life a living hell . I noticed the difference between the two males. Jamie had a beauty spot on the side of his neck and right corner of his lip, his eyes were warmer and streaked with blue and gold while Jason was plain perfection without the rugged look to him. Jason had dark grey eyes bordering on black.

"He was arrested for the murder of Sally but we can get him out if we get a confession out of Jason. Plus finding you points all fingers to him not Matty."

"Wait. Murder?" I croaked. His already sad eyes got sadder," She didn't make it. She passed two days ago a few hours after Matty was arrested."

I couldn't speak more than that. My heart moved up to my throat and was suffocating and choking me. I'd gotten Sal killed and Matty thrown in jail when they didn't deserve any of this. I was the cause of all their problems. I never felt worse than in that moment. I cried silently all through my check up in the ambulance  and the ride home. Jamie took me with him in his cop car and I just stared lifelessly out the window. Leaving everything behind that house as the other cops collected evidence.

I needed to start a fresh. I had to make sure Matty was okay and I needed to make it up to him as soon as we could get him out of jail. But first I needed to make sure Jason Ross got what he deserved.In his words, ' to rot in hell' .