Forever Till death...

chapter twenty one...

Jason

This isn't working out. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. Those two idiots changed my plans. If only Jamie shut up and Matthew hadn't meddled. I knew he poisoned her mind. Turning her against me and it pisses me the f u ck off. I had plans for that Matthew.

She's too stubborn to come around for me and I'm no fool to believe she will under these circumstamces. She wanted out and its only a matter of time before something goes wrong. She's a fighter and that's just one of the reasons I love her. Five days and nothing from her. She wasn't eating right and I feared for my baby.She's not spiteful enough to miscarry on purpose but she was going to lose my baby if her stress went any bit higher than it already is.

All I needed was time but she had to be smart enough to figure me out. Even if I denied I killed them, she still would have left me and I can't have that. I wouldn't have had that. I'm not crazy enough for that if I can't have you noone can type of sh !t. I love her too much for that especially since she's pregnant I couldn't stomach the thought of her dead. But right now with her refusing to eat five times a day and the looks she's been giving me, its becoming increasingly appealing. 

I thought I was stubborn but she makes me look like a fu cki ng disciple. She defied me on purpose putting my baby at risk and my patience was wearing thin. She'd never love me at this rate. She saw me as the devil, the villain in all this  She thought I couldn't read her, thought I was blind or stupidly in love, that I wouldn't do anything to hurt her .She's wrong. 

But I want her to think that. I want her to think that she's my everything , that no matter how much she fought me I would never harm her. Which is true but not to the extent she thinks. She wants a hero. Someone to save her from me. She may not notice but she has a prince charming complex. She may not know but she wants to be the loise to a clark.

She knows she can't get away from me alone so her hopes are all in someone, anyone to save her. I want her. I love her. Some idiot said if you love someone you let them go.. I believe in tangible facts , evidence, manipulation, the power of action and reaction. 

The minute I knew she knew about what I'd done, I knew I had to change tactic if she was to be mine irrevocably, willingly. She sees me as a monster. Exactly as I want her to see me. I've never been a fan of the arts, psychology being one of them but there is something about it I agree with. Conditioning.

I recall the term from a book I read when I was ten in fu ck ing therapy .I remember the definition word for word like I remember everything . The doctor had scoffed at a ten year old reading a book that weighed more than him . He thought I was bllshi tting myself reading about neurons , synapses and what not and I let him think that I was bull shi tting myself. There is power, great power in being understimated. Jamie may have told Keira I was smart but not even he knew how smart I am. I never let them see the extent because that underestimation is where you blind side them.

I'd faked my I Q tests as a kid , I'd gotten answers wrong in tests when in school just so that nobody could truly know the  knowledge I had in  my brain. I seemed smarter than the usual person to them , the doctors , my family, Keira. Slightly smarter. Keira, Mathew and even Jamie were underestimating me and I wouldn't have it any other way.There's a reason I live in a small town, there's a reason nobody knows how much I really am worth. There's a reason for everything. They just didn't know it yet.

Conditioning- a process of behaviour modification in which the likelihood of a specific behavior is increased or decreased through positive or negative reinforcement (stimulus). Simply known as mind fuc king .And all of them were playing into this perfectly.

"Jason?" Keira's sweet voice called from behind me. I turned to face her swivelling in the chair . She approached my desk tentatively."Yeah?" "I can't do this. You need to let me go. I won't tell anyone,hell I'll lie for you to the police.Tell them you didn't have anything to do with anything . Just let me go.  ....Please" she said her eyes watery. 

I knew this was coming. I was surprised it took so long."We both know thats not what's going to happen. The minute I let you go, the station is the first place you'll run too." She took hurried steps toward me her eyes pleading,"Please I'll do anything. Just just let me go."

"Why don't ou see how much I love you. We can be happy together, you just don't want to see it. To try. We were happy"  "Why don't you see I can't! I can't be happy with you . You've  hurt people, killed people. People I love and care about . You killed people in my name. In the name of love. That's not love and you know it" 

I stood up pushing the chair back and striding toward her. " I love you . That should be enough."  "How the hell do you expect to raise a child with me when I can't even stand you. My baby can't go through that. Let me go."

"You mean my baby. I will raise my child, we will raise my child our child together. As long as it takes, you will learn to love me" "I will never love you" she hissed tears pouring from her now."You will trust me on that. No matter how ,long it takes." "I will" "Shut up!" I yelled at her ."Christ! you're even worse pregnant!" 

"I will never love you!" she yelled back barely flinching"You're a murderer and a sick sick man" I grabbed her triceps and shook her slightly. My lips twisted wanting to tell her where she could go shove her thoughts but I released her with a slight push. I turned sharply leaving the room leaving her sobbing in there. I glanced at my watch. Five thirty six.

All I had to do now was wait.Her soft sobs broke my heart but this needed to happen. She was a smart girl and I trusted her to be smart in that moment. She didn't dissapoint. After a few seconds they stopped. I stood by the door watching her. She'd noticed my cell phone on the desk. She lunged at it looking at the door briefly before she dialled frantically her breath in pants.

"Hello? " she whispered into it,"My name is Keira Aubrey Knowles I need the police. I've been kidnapped and I don't know where I am" she whispered. I could hear her heart beat from here it's a fu ck ing turn on.I glanced at my watch again ten more seconds." Hurry please, He could come back any moment" she said frantically. She'd just been asked to hold. 

Three,  two, one. I walked silently to the end of the hallway and started walking back to the office loud enough for her to hear. I glanced at my watch again. Five thirty seven. Right on time. I walked into my office to find her on the floor her head in her hands. Who was she fooling.

"Get out" I said my voice stern as I reached for my phone.Even if I didn't know she'd used it I could still tell. It was a quarter of an inch from where I'd left it. She clambered off the floor and walked out of my office still sobbing.I heard the silent click of her door closing. I couldn't help smiling. If you love someone let them go.

Conditioning-Translation,a fu cki ng mind fuck. 

SORRRYYYYYYY!!!! Updates will be more often from now on on either Friday, Saturday or Sunday. Promise:) As you can tell I plan to mind fu ck ya'll so stay tuned. I had a momentary writer's block because I had three options to go with but I couldn't decide now I have and I think you'll love it(plus I got so busy it was hard to write). I love you guys!!!!!! (So excited I'm back)