BANGERZ (2014)

11. Edge

The week passes without - much - incident.

Jason's kiss is nothing more than a "variable" in our experiment, but it serves its purpose. I know this for a fact because not only does everyone stop whispering and raising their eyebrows, but the results of our survey reveal that they're finally convinced. They believe that I'm part of the mysterious and exclusive crew and am involved in all the dangers and troubles that come along with it. I mean, they probably think I'm a side hoe/fuck buddy/new bitch, but they're convinced. This is going to be... interesting to present next week.

The funny thing is that I'm the one feeling a little skeptical. Did I really shoot myself in the foot like the Wrecker said in my nightmare? I know it was just a dream but it's haunting. Do I really know what I'm getting myself into? I thought I figured it out already, after seeing Jason and the crew handle business, asking him so many questions, and deciding that everything they did thrilled me.

But what about this war? No matter what the stakes, and no matter how long it takes, Jason promised. Could I stick around for that? And what about Jason's allusion that he's used guns before, and the other reason why they're called "Bangerz" in the first place?

I don't know. I'm not scared, exactly. I'm just thinking that my upcoming midterms aren't the only tests I should be worrying about. My better-badder-bolder twin, who's anxious for some excitement, reminds me that I have to "be about that life before I can live that life". I have to prove that I can handle it.

But it's easy to forget my worries as the week goes on. I stick to a regimented dose schedule of my Adderall, not daring to risk sleep. It keeps me alert, attentive, and completely safe from any more nightmares. And I don't have to worry about my nightmares happening in real life because the boys hang out in Hard Rock Caffeine during my shift. I make them fraps and Peter doesn't say a word out of line.

What also fades is the intimidation of my new friends. Jason is as nonchalant and mysterious as ever, but I feel closer to him after that kiss. It was just for the project, but he wouldn't have done it if he didn't want to. So I let the connection and the feelings rest between us and personalize myself with the rest of the crew. After I get to know them, I understand where Miley's labels come from.

Miley's smart, carefree, and very artistic about the way she dresses, the music she listens to, and her ambitions. Maybe she is a stoner - but in a cool, unique way. She's experimental, that's all. She has a lot of brothers and sisters - that explains why she's so friendly.

Za is goofy and funny, the realest of the real, and all about family and loyalty. He's a player and a skater. Locked and loaded, ready for anything and everything, the ride-or-die. He hates when people call him Xavier, so Miley does it and we laugh for the longest at their argument.

Khalil is chill and serious about his grind, which is music. He knows how to hustle and is slick enough to do it. And the girls are all over him with those light eyes, tattoos, and fresh swag. "I'll never fall for what I stand for," he says in Psychology.

As I'm getting to know them, it becomes clear to me that they have one thing in common: they have each other's backs. It's not the gang stuff that keeps them together. It's their friendship. And the business gets done because of that.

On Friday Jason offers to drive me to school. I insist that he doesn't have to do it every day - it feels awkward, depending on him so much - so all week he only dropped me off after we worked on our project with Miley at school.

But it's Friday, and my outfit is on point, and I'm anticipating our drift tonight. Plus I don't mind being alone with him. Why not?

When I come outside he gets out of his car. I really like his outfit today: white T-shirt, denim button-down, burgundy skinnies, a bandana around his neck to match, and black Supra sneaks. He's also wearing sunglasses - that's different. I'm used to seeing those honey eyes lock with mine, look me up and down, and gleam wickedly as he smirks.