BANGERZ (2014)

2. Good Girl

Why me?

The incessant question lingers in my mind for the rest of the school day. I can't even bring myself to be flattered by Jason's comment. I'm more humiliated than anything. I'm smart enough to know that he was making a joke and letting me know that he wasn't happy about me taking his seat. It's like the new girl is staking her claim in territory that he already controls. I'm trying to steal his turf without earning it. Isn't that how gang fights get started? Isn't that where the gang banging begins?

That probably doesn't mean what I think it means. And I know, I'm being ridiculous and overthinking, letting my imagination run rampant. You'd think I might be a little loopy from my lack of sleep, but I take meds for that. To keep me awake and alert, I mean. I know what the real reason is. This is just a lot to take in on my first day and my always active mind is creating scenarios with all the information.

I'm glad when the day is over. I don't get a chance to tell Stacey and Natalie about the confrontation at lunch, even if I wanted to. Jason and his crew don't say anything else to me even though I have AP Stat with Jason and Miley and Psychology with Khalil. So they're all seniors like me, and seem pretty smart, too. My mind reels with the contradiction. They don't seem to care about much, let alone school.

Danny, my older brother, is waiting for me in the parking lot when school lets out and everyone floods outside. I told him he didn't have to leave work at the hospital early just to get me, but he insisted it was no problem for my first day.

He watches me expectantly as soon as I settle in the front seat and toss my books in the back.

"What?" I demand, shrugging out of my cardigan. It's still pretty warm here in North Shore, close to the beach but too far inland for a constant breeze. Yet another reason for me to miss San Diego. It was closer to the coast.

Danny maneuvers out of the parking lot but keeps me in his periphery. "Nothing, Tess. How was your first day?"

"Er... interesting, I guess. North Shore just has some very interesting people."

"Did you make any friends?"

"Surprisingly, yes, Danny," I reply, my tone more sour than I mean it to be. "I know I'm not as cool as you were in high school, but I'm not an antisocial loner. I'm just quiet."

My brother doesn't respond to my sudden mood change right away. I didn't mean to snap at him, but I know him well enough to know where his questions lead. It starts with small talk, as if casual conversation lessens the blow of heavy discussion. Actually, it makes it worse, because I know he's beating around the bush. I wish he would just leave it alone already.

"Are you going to work tonight?" Danny asks after a couple minutes of tense silence.

I work at a small coffee shop downtown. It's definitely not Starbucks, but it's a popular evening spot for both college and business types. I just got the job a few days ago when we finally moved down here for good. I wanted to have my own money, and help Danny out a little bit - the sum our parents left us was ample but it wouldn't last forever - and anyways, I need to keep myself occupied at night.

"No," I answer, relenting a little. I shouldn't be angry with my brother. He's all I have. "I have to go tomorrow, though. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and every other Saturday, remember?"

"Okay. I can drop you off. I have to work the late shift at the hospital for the rest of the week, and it might be permanent. If it is... are you gonna be alright at home by yourself at night?"

I glance out the window. Sunlight, palm trees, and stonewashed houses skate by my vision. Suburbia at its finest. North Shore is pretty - but is it home? Will it ever be?