Ruined.

4: Wanna skate?

THE SWAN

Thus he died, and all the life struggled out of him;
And as he died he scattered me with the dark red
And violent - driven rain of bitter-savored blood

The professor recited the glorious speech of Clystemnestra from Oresteia. It was a beautiful passage; It's vulgar, how humans are capable of transforming the bloodiest act into something so divine... potray a queen killing her husband in his bath as glorious and magnificent.

The Greeks were very intriguing to me, this probably is because of the fact that I find a part of me in them.Cultivated, passionate and formal but frequently get swept away by wildest enthusiasm and interest; dance and music and ambition, and cold ideas of beauty and perfectionism . The dark desire to bath our hands into blood, to dream of glory and revenge and control and the maddening urge to destroy ownself in the process of it. And I yearn to be like them, pure creature of rationalism and knowledge.

After class, I made my way to the library, in the square. The library was my favorite spot with line of shelves filled with books and volumes, to give me company through the most lonely nights. I wasn't sure if it was due to circumstances or my own choices. Probably the later.

I amble to desk near the glass window; chilly evening, dim table lamp, scent of coffee and annotated books and illegible notes spreaded across the surface. It was almost night by the time I was done. I started packing my belonging when a low voice intervented.

" Is this seat taken?" A girl said. Red hair. Lillian. Lilian.

" No." I picked my bag.

"You are her. That night,do you remember?" She spoke, a bright expression painted her face. Like she was a sun.

" Yes," I apologised picking up my bag,     " Sorry, I ran away like that. That was very rude of me."

" No. No. No. It's fine. Let me introduce myself again. I am Lilian Abilence. And this time, tell me your name."

" Nice to meet you. I am Aester Cygnus. Greek Litrearture and art major. "

" Law major. Nice meeting you too. We can hang out sometime?"

"Yeah, what about the cat?"

" You mean kosmo. She's living an extravagant life right now." She chuckled. Lovely. Bright.

" K. See you around then? "

"Your contact number? "

"Oh! Yeah." And we exchanged numbers.

" Bye bye."

"Bye."

November susequented and snow gently kissed the surface the lake, freezy mornings, void streets , thick dew spreaded across the trembling mountain at a distance. Lilian sitting on the bench beside me was munching on a croissant.

" The student call this lake 'Lake of Metamorphosis'. Says If someone drowns , they become monsters," Lilian said in a low,soft tone, " What's even the difference between humans and monsters?"

" Remorse is the only thing that distinguish between Humans and Monsters, I suppose." I comment.

" Do you think God feel remorse?"

" No."

" Does that makes them monster?"

"Patriarchy won't think so."

"Why not?" She took another bite.

" They are in denial. Faith makes people blind or somewhat sane." People are afraid to say something that hasn't been told before, afraid to do something that hasn't been done before. It's the idea of the unfamiliarity that scares the organism of flesh and blood. Especially the human mind which is obsessed with knowing the obscure, finding a meaning and if there's no meaning ,they create one. Unknown might be the creator ambition and people lie, kill, betray for it.

" Here you are , kid." Czar patted my head from behind." It's time." He said gazing at the girl beside me.

Meeting was to start in half an hour, although it was first week of December . Last Friday , there was no gathering as the chief wasn't present. No notice and he just disappeared like that. I assumed it had something paramount to do with higher ups. There protocols are terrible. Confidential.

"See you latter." I waved Lilian goodbye.

We walked a distance when Czar almost jumped infront of me and exclaimed," Who was that beauty? Where's she from? How do you know her ? Tell me everything about her."

" Control your animal instincts." I rolled my eyes.

" It's love. I am sure she's already in love with me! ," he continued with exaggerated gesture ," She's the first streak of dawn paving my journey...She's the poetry I wanted to write. Oh my!"

" Lord! You haven't even meet her ,Czar." I try not laugh, soft giggles followed after.

" You will help this man. Wouldn't you?" He glimpse back at Lilian sitting on the bench far away. Brown leaves swayed around and smell of Cinnamon from the caffe next to the library pervade in the air.

🦢

I stopped infront of my dorm room to find the key when I heard Sarah and Jones saying, " Yeah! Absolutely! I would go."

" Jones, you know I don't know how to skate. Let ice skating be alone." Sarah whinne.

"You will just be fine." Jones said.

They both lived two door beside mine and were excruciatingly loud and filthy; involved in some drugs dealing or gang , always arguing , playing rockmusic in middle of night at full volume, ignorant and the list goes on.

But I would like to skate. So...I did. I called Lilian and she agreed. But what about Czar? Would he agree? I know he is always busy.

I called him and said," You asked for my help,right? Next Sunday, when the lake will be all iced, as every year, me and Lilian..that's your love name, will go to skate. So you coming?"

" Ofcourse! I will forever be grateful to you,kid" and he hanged up.