Can't Get You Out of My Head (please get out of my head I'm begging) (bxb)

20 | thinking of you (RIP to my brain cells)

Ethan is hovering outside my front door, trying to gather up the courage to ring it. I pace impatiently around my room, wondering whether it would be too suspicious for me to just walk outside.

I need to talk to him. His hand lifts to the bell. But I'm wearing this dumb sweatshirt. Why am I wearing a sweatshirt? It's boiling outside. Ethan huffs, letting his hand drop. I look like an idiot.

I see a mental image of him looking down at his sleeves. The green fabric extends past his arms and covers his fingertips, little felt triangles making dinosaur ridges on his elbows. He looks cute in anything, really.

A new thought crosses Ethan's mind. Wait...what if he's not even gay?

I groan, throwing open my bedroom door. I have to come out to him now? I've never had to tell anyone about my sexual orientation, that I was gay. They knew as soon as I did.

Ethan rings the bell and then immediately starts freaking out. This is so sudden—Lukas doesn't even know I'm pan! How do I bring it up? He was just being friendly showing me around town, and he would've thought we were just hanging out as friends. And now I'm being weird and making things weird and now things are going to be weird between us. Maybe we should just stay friends.

I hesitate, my feet half into my shoes. Is that really what Ethan wants? I go to the front door, my hand on the knob. I can hear his heart beating loudly and erratically on the other side.

Before I can throw it open, Ethan makes a beeline across the street. He flings open the door to Sebastian's house and dashes inside, slamming it behind him.

I open the front door anyway, hoping he changes his mind again and comes back.

"Hello?" I call out into the night, my voice clear. I know he hears it.

There's no answer. Ethan's heart is thudding so loud I can hear it in his ears from across the street. He sinks to the floor, back pressed against the wood.

I bite my lip, trying not to feel too disappointed. I'll make it a point to talk to him. Maybe on our bonfire day. Or maybe afterwards. It's just that...words have never come so easy to me. I've never had to put my thoughts into words, or had to explain my feelings out aloud. I haven't yet decided what I'm going to say.

I go back up to my bedroom, pulling off my shirt to get ready for bed. Ethan is in his room now, directly across from mine. He glances at me through the window and freezes.

Lukas! His thoughts are so loud I can hear them from across the street. No one else in Brambleburg has thoughts that loud.

I turn bright red at the direction his mind is taking. Grabbing a soft cotton tee from my wardrobe, I pull it over my head.

Shit, I should probably close this before he starts taking off his pants. Ethan yanks his curtain shut.

I'm grateful for him respecting my privacy, but unfortunately I can't respect his. Although he's not watching, Ethan can't help visualizing the rest of my getting-ready-for-bed routine.

Ethan flops down on his bed, dragging his hands down his face. I should've asked for his number. I can't even text him. I can't even stand to face him.

I concentrate on that particular strain of thought, trying to figure out Ethan's number. But he's not mulling over his own digits so I'm not able to infer it. Maybe it's for the best. If I text him out of nowhere I wouldn't really be able to explain how I knew his number in the first place.

Ethan sinks into the mattress. God, Lukas is so sexy. I wonder what it would be like to....

His thoughts trail off into wild imaginings. Heat creeps up my neck as I lay in bed. I want to let sleep take over but my eyes are wide open. I picture myself there in his room with him, his thoughts feeding into my own fantasies and making them doubly intoxicating.

I see an image of myself leaning over his bed, one hand planted on the headboard and the other on his...on him. My blonde hair falls over blue eyes. His fantasy is so detailed that I even see a glistening drop sweat trailing down my neck.

Ethan's breathing is unsteady. I can feel his body growing warm as his blood rushes downwards. His heart rate elevates, pupils dilating. Tension builds up and then releases with the trip in his heartbeat.

I should try to ignore him but his thoughts are so loud. I can't get him out of my head. God, PLEASE get out of my head, I'm begging.

I don't know how I can look him in the eye after this. I don't even know whether his feelings for me are serious or he's just...well. I don't think we're really on the same page with me being in love and him wanting a...fling, I guess.

And then another thought crosses my mind. A far worse one.

If I can hear him...then so can the whole street.

A/n: damn, can't even wank in peace in this town xD