When Nadia Marsh; a cheerful and popular ice skater, is overtaken by a mystery illness, everything changes.
When everyone around her is training for sectionals; Nadia is house bound, where even the smallest effort leaves her feeling exhausted.
Getti...
"And I will give up this fight, 'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't."
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
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NADIA'S POV:
A constant flow of buzzes wakes me up from the deep sleep that I don't remember entering. I would attempt to move to turn it off but I doubt that my body is even capable of doing that right now. This is why I don't even attempt to do things because I wake up the next day unable to fucking do anything. I'm trapped, so terribly trapped.
Everyday I am just here lying in my bed and I'm just simply existing. This doesn't feel like living at all and I constantly think to myself, what is the point in being born in the first place? Which then leads to me thinking about not being alive. It seems easier than living on a carousel called pain.
My family is always telling me that I need to stop being so morbid all of the time, that the answers are out there and things will get better. But how can I possibly see things that way? It's not so black and white. It's hard to think the way everyone wants me to because I don't feel that way. If there were answers for what is going on with me out there then they would've found them already, or at least looked into what it could be instead of sending me away constantly telling me it's nothing.
I know that doctors have a lot of patients to see everyday, more than they can keep up with in one day but if they just took proper care and listened to their patients symptoms then all of this wouldn't be happening to me. If they stopped calling me crazy and depressed then they would see what is wrong. They go to medical school to help other people. If they looked into me properly then they could treat me and I wouldn't have to keep coming to see them, clogging up their days with yet another patient coming back.
When looking into my symptoms I went into a rabbit hole about misdiagnosis. Apparently every year five percent of patients get misdiagnosed, which is too many. I know it's an easy mistake to make, but it can be very dangerous. The most common thing to get misdiagnosed is cancer and that, along with many other illnesses can be life-threatening.
As the days go by, the more I feel like I am sinking further downwards and inevitably I'm going to suffocate fully. It's clear to me now that you don't need to be in water to drown. I spend my days drowning in the mess of my own life that I can't be the anchor that everyone around me needs me to be.
I just want to be me again, I miss the person I used to be.
I struggle to roll over onto my side but I manage it, only to be met with the back of Maddy's head and she is almost falling off the edge of the bed with how far over she is from me. The last thing I remember of last night was her making me feel like shit, which is nothing out of the ordinary for her to do in the time we have been friends.
I'm surprised that I even got any sleep at all, considering that when Maddy and I had our sleepovers in the past she would always keep me up for hours on end as she would snore all night. Her snoring is some of the loudest I have ever heard.
