The Line Drive

seven

Mackenzie

Edwin lives on the other side of campus than I do, so after Camilla and I finish editing and send the paper to be printed, I drive over to his place. Sitting in front of his apartment, I have a sick feeling in my stomach. Just give him another chance. I try to convince myself.

My legs feel like lead as I make my way up the two flights of stairs to his apartment. When I knock, the door is opened almost immediately. "Mackenzie!" He pulls me in for an awkward hug and then pecks me on the lips in the way that he always does, which makes me feel even more uncomfortable now that Dane has pointed out that it lacks any passion whatsoever.

"Hey."

Edwin gives me a big smile that I find myself unable to return with any of the same energy. Instead I try to smile back, but I'm worried it comes out more like a grimace with how forced it feels. Edwin, being Edwin, doesn't seem to notice anything is wrong.

"I made lasagna." Of course he did. I try not to make a gagging noise.

"Is it ready?" I ask, because I don't know what else to say.

"Yeah. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to watch a movie after?"

"Um. We'll see." Edwin nods seriously.

When we sit down to eat, I can't meet his eyes. "How was your day?"

"It was fine." I manage. "Just did homework and edited the paper."

"That sounds nice. I always like reading the paper. I'm sure you did an excellent job." He says it like a dad who is trying to encourage his young child.

"Yeah." I mumble. "How was your day?" I look up for a moment, but Edwin is focused on his lasagna, cutting it into more pieces than seems reasonable for a normal human.

"Oh, you know." He laughs. "I just did homework. And I wished you were here with me." The words make my stomach churn, because not once did I think about him during the day before Camilla brought him up. And when she did, I wished that I hadn't thought about him. Edwin deserved more than this. More than a girlfriend who dreaded spending time with him.

"Edwin--" My voice falters.

"Yes, Mackenzie?" Always so formal. He doesn't look up from his lasagna.

"I think we need to talk."

For most people, this would be a sign to at least look up. But Edwin stays focused on his lasagna. "About what?"

"I can't do this anymore."

"Can't do what?" His eyes meet mine.

"This." I say, motioning between him and me now that he's finally decided to look up.

"Oh." And then Edwin does something I really wish he didn't do. He tries to convince me that I should keep trying. "Well, we've only been dating for a month. Maybe you just need more time to get used to it. I know I really like spending time with you."

"I just--" I try to think of words. Any words. "I'm not ready." Bullshit. That was just a straight up lie. Am I the girl that lies to get out of things now?

"I can wait until you're ready."

"I don't want you to." I whisper.

"I thought you liked me." Edwin sounds like he's genuinely shocked. "You're always so nice to me. Mackenzie, are you sure this isn't the stress of being editor-in-chief talking? I know that's a new role for you this year." I want to punch him, because he's sounding slightly condescending. All I want to do is fucking break up with him. It shouldn't be this hard.