The Line Drive

twelve

Dane

When I step back into the bedroom, Mackenzie is stooped in front of my bookcase, looking at my pictures. Something about having her in my room sends butterflies through my stomach. Her eyes are on the picture that's at eye level when I'm sitting at my desk. 

I know exactly which one it is. It's me and my mother when I'm about two. We're laughing, and every time I look at it I can feel her love for me radiating from it. 

Mackenzie looks at me, seemingly unfazed by the fact that I'm shirtless. This is a first, usually girls drop their jaws for my abs. "May I?" She motions to the picture. I nod, unsure of what she's about to do. 

She simply picks up the picture and stares at it, a small smile on her face. "Your mom?"

"Yeah." I nod even though she's not looking at me, instead she's just staring at the picture. 

That picture brings up so many feelings in me. Mostly guilt, because my mother's family was from Mexico, and my father is a white American, and I don't honor any of her traditions in any way. My father pulled us away from her family, and it got worse after she died. It was like she never existed. My heart drops just thinking about it. 

"She's beautiful." Mackenzie's voice is raw and honest. "She looks like she really loves you." 

Before my next words slip from my mouth, I already know that they're going to tell Mackenzie far more about me than I was planning on. "She did." I yank on a shirt before Mackenzie turns back around.

When she does, Mackenzie's eyes are on mine, suddenly sad. "I'm sorry." Her hand rests on my forearm, and I swallow, unused to the feeling of tears coming to my eyes. Now is not the time to fucking cry.

No one ever knows what to say when I tell them this. It's always awkward. I kick myself for saying the wrong thing. I wasn't planning on letting Mackenzie get to know me like this. "It's hard to lose someone that you love like that." Mackenzie says softly.

She squeezes my arm, and looks down at the picture once more before turning and setting it back on the shelf. I notice that she manages to set it in the exact same place that it was. 

I'm unsure of what to say next, but Mackenzie saves me. "Who's this?" Her eyes move to the picture on the top shelf. 

"My step-brother, Henry." Mackenzie is leaning in close to the picture. I'm suddenly uncomfortable, because it's my brother at his wedding. No one can ever tell when they look at the picture that it's his husband, and the couple of baseball players that ask, I tell that it's my half-brother's friend. 

The baseball players haven't historically been the best about being respectful about gay people. There's a lot of slurs that they use still that come across as pretty homophobic. I hate that I can never confront them about what they say, but I don't want to drive a wedge between me and them. 

The only person who knows is Noah, because we've been best friends since we got to college. He also was my roommate freshman year, and so he met Henry and Henry's partner, Jadyn, when Henry came into town to take me to lunch and insisted that I bring my roommate. Noah was super chill about it, but he understood that I didn't want the baseball team knowing.

Mackenzie brings me out of my reverie. "And his--" She pauses for a long moment. "Partner?" She doesn't sound judgmental, just nervous that she got it wrong. 

"Yeah. Jadyn." I say. I can't help myself, I need to know. "How could you tell?"

"Henry--" She points to his face. "Is looking at Jadyn. And he just looks really happy. I don't know-- It gives me romantic vibes." Mackenzie shrugs. "They're really cute together."