Kai's POV
"Okay Kai you're doing great, come on just a few steps more." Blair cheered me as I walked through the bars.
"I can't." I said through clenched teeths.
"Yes you can, don't stop now."
I was almost at the end but god knows it felt like I was at the bare start instead. I forced my legs and feet to keep going. Blair is right I can't give up now. So go with all the strength I could muster I moved my feet until I reached the end.
"See? I knew you could do it Kai!" Blair said animatedly as she came to stand in front of me. I however was exhausted so I just let myself fall against her and luckily she caught me.
I should be embarrassed but I'm not.
I'm fucking tired.
"Careful there, all good?" She asked.
I could only manage a slight nod of my head as I tried to regain my breath. Blair helped me to one of the seats and handed me some water. I drank the water like I had been stranded in the desert.
"Thanks," I said once I finished drinking the water.
"It's okay. You did good."
I shook my head and scoffed.
"I'm pathetic."
"You're not Kai, at all. You've been progressing a lot this past month and a half, like a lot."
"You're just saying that because is your job."
That made her frown, "Not really. I seriously do believe that you did a great job today Kai. You did all the exercises and walked the bars. It's normal to be exhausted. You will be exhausted a lot, until it becomes less and less as the days pass and then - before you even notice it, you don't get exhausted anymore."
"Yeah but I will still be limping on a leg."
"And?"
"And? I will be useless."
Now she shook her head. "You having a disability doesn't make you useless Kai. Things may seem harder than they were before but that doesn't make you useless, not at all."
"I'm just so tired, everything is so hard and not only my leg - my life." I hid my face in my hands. "I still can't remember a important part of me and it's killing me because I know I'm also hurting someone else."
"I'm sure your wife understands, she seems to care about you a lot." Blair put a reassuring hand on my shoulder.
Wife.
I'm not sure how I'll ever get used to that.
"That's the problem."
"Excuse me?"
"She cares about me way too much. I can't give back all that care as much as I want to. She's a stranger in my eyes still."
It hurts me that when I look in her eyes I can see the love she has for me because I can't give it back. I know that I feel something for her because everytime I see her my heart skips a beat, as dumb as it sounds. It's there but is faint and sadly i's not enough to bring any memories of her back, just leaves a faint trace of familiarity but that's it.
"What does the doctor say?"
I chuckled.
"Same as you. That I need time, difference being that I need to be prepared if my memories never come back." I felt dread at the thought. "I don't understand why I can't remember. I do everything they say in the sessions but I get nothing but flashes that I don't even know what they are and then I just get headaches at the end of the day." I said frustrated.
