Worth the Risk

Chapter Ten. Connor.

The conversation with Lennox had been going so well, and I was feeling on top of the world because it was just so easy to talk to her and flirt with her, if I was being honest. And I sensed some jealousy because she kept bringing up my one night stand.

But then she brought up a name I had forgotten about when she told me she didn't have a boyfriend. A name I'd heard her say that day I'd seen her at the practice facility and offices while she was on the phone. Saylor.

I could tell she was panicking when I asked her who that was, but I couldn't help myself. I wanted this girl, and I didn't want anyone in my way when I got back to St. Paul. I felt my own panic rise the longer the silence stretched between us.

"Lennox, who is Saylor?" I asked again.

She let out a shaky breath before saying anything and when she spoke, her voice was so quiet I almost didn't hear her.

"My daughter," she'd said.

I'd wanted to ask her what she said to make sure I'd heard her correctly, but I could tell how hard it was for her to say the first time.

I let out my own shaky breath after that, trying to wrap my head around the fact that this woman had a kid. Every time I'd seen her, she'd been by herself and she'd never mentioned a kid before. There had been no signs pointing toward anyone else.

She obviously hadn't meant to let it slip then. But she did, and I was scared she was going to retreat, shut me out.

"Wow," was all I could say, and as soon as the word left my mouth, I regretted it. I wanted to smack myself for being so stupid.

"I gotta go," she said, hanging up before I got the chance to say anything.

I set my phone down and stared straight ahead, trying to wrap my mind around this new nugget of information.

Holy hell. Lennox had a child, which meant there was another man in her life, the father of her child. Maybe that's why I'd never seen her daughter; she was with him. Suddenly, I wanted to punch something, anything.

Dammit, I'd been so into her, too. But was I ready for what pursuing a single mother entailed?

The answer was no, I wasn't sure that I was. I had no idea what to do with the information that she had a child. But then again, I was so into Lennox that I had to at least see where it went, if she'd give me a chance. I needed to see if there was something between us or I'd regret it.

Knowing she wouldn't answer if I called again, I sent her a message, hoping she'd see it, even if she didn't reply.

Connor: Just wanted to let you know that I think it's great that you have a daughter. Sorry for how I reacted; I was just thrown off. I hope I get to meet her. :)

What the hell kind of grown man uses smiley faces like that? Guys like me, apparently.

Like I had suspected, a reply never came.

I laid my head back against the couch in my mother's living room. It was silent since no one else was here and I let my mind wander over all the new revelations in my life.

Yes, I wanted a shot with Lennox, even if she had a child. While I hadn't ever thought about a child being part of my life, especially not yet, Lennox seemed to be one of a kind and I didn't want to let her get away from me without at least exploring the option of us being something.

Scared that I'd ruined any chance I had with her, I stood up and paced the room.

When I heard the front door open, I said, "I'm so glad you're..." but then I caught sight of who was standing there, and him, I wasn't happy to see. "Oh." I started pacing again, this time, because I was stuck in the house with Mitch, alone.

He walked in rather uncomfortably and stood by the chair, waiting. For what, I didn't know. When he made no attempts at leaving, or speaking, I briefly paused and asked, "What?"

He cringed at my harsh tone. "I'm sorry."

I turned to him, leery. "For what?"

"For how I acted back then." Deflating, I fell to the couch. "I knew what I did was wrong, and I knew it hurt you. But I was too prideful to apologize."

"Why'd you do it?" I asked.

He sighed, not meeting my gaze as he sat down in the chair. "I was hurting, too. It seemed like you were doing pretty good so I came to talk to you, and Cora was there. I talked to her instead. And I ended up in bed with her. I never showed up with the intention to hurt you."

"Why should I believe you now? How do I know you're just apologizing so that I don't rat you out?"

A pained look crossed his face. "I already told Alessia about the game with Cora. She's hurting and I feel like a complete dick for doing it."

"You kind of are a dick for doing it," I reminded him.

"But she didn't completely throw me out, not yet anyway. I saw how much it hurt her and we've only been together for a few months. It took me seeing her hurt over my actions to see just how shitty I was to you. I wasn't thinking clearly back then. You're my brother, Connor. I don't want to live the rest of my life with you hating me, even though that's exactly what I deserve."

I sighed, running my hands over my face. Knowing first hand how hard it is to deal with grief, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt when it came to his apology. Losing someone you looked up to your whole life messed you up in ways you couldn't imagine unless you'd been through it. I'd never stopped to consider he'd been hurting, too, and that his cold attitude toward me since then had been a cover up.

"I get it, Mitch. I do. But I don't know how to let it go..."

"I'm not expecting you to, Connor."

"Aren't you, though? Isn't that what you're asking me to do?"

He sighed. "No. I'm just saying that I don't want you to look at me like you want to murder me every time I see you. Think about what this is doing to Mom." Now he was going and bringing Mom into this? He was playing dirty, and he knew it. "She doesn't want to see us hating each other."

"I don't hate you, Mitch..." I admitted. "I hate what you did. And as much as I understand what you're saying, it's hard to just change my mindset like that."

He nodded in understanding. "I'll leave you alone, then. Give me a call, anytime," he added before standing up and walking out the door.

I yelled in frustration and punched a pillow when the door closed behind him. Wasn't it convenient that he all of a sudden saw his wrongdoings for what they were? I wanted to believe him, but it was just so hard. I'd spent so much time furious at him because he seemed to not care at all. And now that he did, I had a hard time believing he was being genuine, even though it was clear on his face.

Before I realized what I was doing, I jumped up and ran to the door, calling after him.

He stood at his car, ready to get in. He stopped what he was doing and stared at me, silent.

I stepped out of the house and walked toward him. "I don't want to spend the rest of my life mad at you," I told him honestly. "But it's not just going to change overnight."

He nodded, understanding my side. "I don't expect it to."

"Good," I told him, turning back to the house. "I'll see you."

"Bye, Connor," Mitch said, a smile on his face as he climbed into his car and drove away.

I couldn't hide the slight smile on my face as I walked inside and sat down. Now that that conversation was out of the way, I needed to figure out what I was going to say to Lennox when I got back to St. Paul.