Baby doll

16

I got ready as usual for my first period class.

I did my hair. For what felt like the first time in forever. I did my makeup and I ate breakfast.

I didn't really have an appetite to eat but I forced the food down anyways.

I got my camera off the charger and took a picture of myself in the mirror before leaving.

I still don't feel like myself. I don't think I'll ever will again. But I'm trying. And that's all that matters.

When I finally made my way to class, apart of me was somewhat hoping to see Aurora sitting in the seat next to mines, but of course it was empty. And apart of me was happy that it was.

I sat down in my seat and listened to the lesson my professor was giving.

Physically I was in a Yale classroom hearing my professor going on about something science related, mentally I was with Aurora in the corner of the library with her lips on mines.

Oh, how I wish I could go back to that day. To those lips. To her.

I got out of my daydreaming when the bell ringed signaling this class period was over.

I got up and found my way out of the class.

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I watched as the dough in the brownies began to rise.

I wish Aurora was here making them with me. I think as I feel a tear go down my face.

I can't cry. I'm wearing makeup today. I think as I try to pat down the tear stain instead of rubbing it so it wouldn't smear my makeup.

I wonder what roras doing right now. Maybe she's thinking about me like I am her. Or maybe I'm just delusional. She doesn't care about anyone but herself. I don't know why I can't get that through my head.

I sit in front of the oven and wait until my brownies are down.

Once I hear the beep of the oven, I jump up and put the new Mittens I just got the other day on.

The mittens were in the shape of kittens. Isn't that cute? I think as I feel another tear go down my cheek. I smile at the thought of kittens either way. A tear isn't gonna stop me from smiling.

But I just can't seem to stop crying today. I cry at the thought of kittens. The thought of Aurora. The thought of never being the same person I was before. Just the thoughts of everything at this point. I even cry at the thoughts of murdering and cooking brownies. For all I know they could've been someone's baby.

I sit at my small table in front of the tv and just cry. I cry while eating my brownies and watching television. I cry until my eyes close and I fall asleep.

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Heyy guys idk why but I rlly feel like I put all my emotion right now on Julianna's character in this chapter😭 I'm at school rn n idk why but I js been wanting to cry all day like wtf I think I'm probably starting my period soon maybe that's why😭🤷🏽‍♀️ also I did my makeup for school today bc todays honor day at school!😛🙂 also when I was at home my mom n grandma said my makeup looks good but when I got to school tell me how this one boy taps his friend on the shoulder and points his head at me when I walked past them?? Like tf. And not js that but he was literally a black boy like why r u as a black  boy hating on a black girl.( technically I'm mixed but still u get my point). Anyways he's weird asf for that. Sorry for the rant also😭