Mental Health Poems

Happiness

my happiness comes at a cost.
I don't remember the last time that I was truly happy.
Fake smiles and laughter get me through the day.
The real faces come out at night to play.
Anger and frustration coarse through me.
I ask myself: 'why, do I not deserve happiness?'
I look in to the past and I am ashamed.
Ashamed of my actions and ashamed for who I have become.
This monster I see before me in the mirror is nothing but a treacherous piece of shit.
My body is not mine, I'm loosing control.
Minimalistic actions lead me to see red before me.
Rationalised thinking is a thing of the past.
Anger, rage, fear grow. Simultaneously brewing inside me.
My body has almost become a vessel for evil.
My humanity stripped before me.
Terror and rage attempt to dictate.
My ID is taking over.
Pained and repressed are the whiny whimpers and screeches of younger me.
If our younger self could have seen us, they would be disappointed.
Is happiness too much to ask for?
It is simply so fucking draining living in this vortex.
I live almost as if I am in a novella, systematically every day.
My days are all pretty much the same with the same shitty thoughts.
The dark side is taking over. It has planned its attack and strategised well.
Time will tell what can come of this.
Younger me hides in fear behind my silhouette, begging for shield and protection.
Will we ever truly be happy?
                                                                                  ~Alz