The Merger

Chapter 38

I haven't cried in years and the tears unleashed are making up for lost time. I can't do anything to stop the broken dam in my ducts. On the way to the airport - tears. During the flight when the attendant asked what I wanted to drink - tears. When said flight attendant slid over a free mini bottle of vodka - snot with tears. By the time I got back home, exhaustion took over and I cried myself to sleep thinking of Imani, my career, and most of all Lucas.

The days that followed were a blur of emotions.

Anger flared within me when I witnessed more of Charles' toxic leadership style firsthand. I tried talking to him about Imani again, but the man wouldn't budge. It was as if every time I tried, I made his resolve worse, and my chances of getting the CEO position lessened. If I want any viable shot at winning the position I need to let Imani go. Nausea filled me in the days leading up to it.

The only thing that had kept me from completely spiraling was the thought that once I got the CEO position, I'd change the rules and hire Imani back instantly. I can't win this battle, but I'm going to put everything I have into winning the war. Over the weekend, I tried to anchor myself to that thought but still couldn't escape the uneasiness gnawing in my bones.

Lucas was also a star feature of my kaleidoscope of emotions, even though I haven't seen him since Vegas and only heard he was trying to convince his dad to back off. Every time my mind tried to piece together the Lucas puzzle, I ended up crashing from exhaustion. I'd start off grinding my teeth in anger thinking about how Lucas involved his dad in this. Then a thickness settled in my throat whenever I thought about how much I missed him. His voice. His smile. His laugh.

I replay our time in Vegas together over and over again, dissecting every possible angle to see if Lucas was truly being genuine. Every conclusion that comes back to me is Kiara's church choir type of "Yes!" Even when we fought over the layoffs in the hotel room, I knew in my heart of hearts he didn't do it to sabotage me. But in the heat of the moment, a loud voice in my mind had been yelling at me that he did.

Everything that happened in that hotel room that morning was like a blaring alarm clock waking me up from the best sleep of my life. The call with Cora and then the subsequent call with Charles were simply reminders I can never get too comfortable in life. I need to down a shot of espresso and wake the hell up. The only person I can truly count on is myself. I need to take a step back from Lucas no matter how difficult it'll be. I let things go too far.

Now Monday morning is here and the sickness in my stomach isn't letting up.

"Good morning, Tal," Imani says as I pass by her desk on the way to my office, causing another wave of nausea to ensue.

My assistant smiles widely, not knowing she's minutes away from being jobless. If I respond verbally, I will surely break the dam holding back my tears again. I spent all weekend trying to patch it up and put on my big girl pants. Instead, I settle for whatever smile I'm able to muster and nod.