Find me

Chapter 48

Gabriel POV

It should have been me.

It should have been me. Not her. Not my sister. Not the little girl in my arms.

Me.

I should have been the one who got hurt. I should have been the one who lived with them.

Not her.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

What if she resented me for it? What if she started hating me? I was the reason they took her. They wanted me.

What if she started to hate me?

No, no, no, no.

I couldn’t let that happen.

I needed to talk to her. I needed to leave.

“Can we leave, dad?” I asked, pressing Aria closer to me.

“Where, bud?” dad asked me, his voice trembling.

“Aria’s room.” I said. “I need to leave.”

Dad kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back soothingly.

“Sure, buddy.” he said softly. “I will come check on you later, okay?”

I nodded, lifted my head, and stood up with Aria in my arms. She tried to wiggle out, but I stopped her. I couldn’t let her go. Not now. Not ever.

“Goodbye, guys.” I said quietly to my uncle and cousins.

I didn’t look at any of them. I didn’t have time to. I needed to leave.

“Bye, bud.” my uncle said softly.

“Bye, Aria.” my cousins said.

“Goodbye.” she told them softly as I started to climb up the stairs.

I was shaking. I was angry. I was sad. I was pissed the fuck off.

I didn’t even realize that I was crying.

I felt Aria’s fingers wiping the tears away from my cheeks just as I entered her room and closed the door behind us.

“Talk to me, Gabe.” she said softly as she leaned in and kissed my cheek.

I clenched my fists and tightened my jaw. The lump in my throat was huge, and I couldn’t speak.

I couldn’t speak, but I really wanted to. I wanted to curse, I wanted to yell. I wanted to scream.

I sat down on the bed, wrapped my arms around my sister, and buried my head in her neck.

It should have been me.

I sobbed, trying to swallow the lump in my throat so that I could breathe.

I couldn’t breathe.

“I love you.” Aria said softly, wrapping her arms tightly around me. “I love you, Gabe.”

I loved her too. God, how much I loved her. I wished that it was me. I wished that they hadn’t hurt her.

It should have been me.

“It shouldn’t have been you, Gabriel.” Aria said as if she could read my mind. “It shouldn’t have been you. I shouldn’t have been me, either. We should have always been together. But we weren’t. And I am so sorry that I wasn’t here. But I am not sorry that they took me instead of you. I am not sorry that it was me. I would do it all again if it meant that you were safe.”

I lifted my head, and another sob escaped me.

“You don’t understand.” I cried out. “I would take all that pain if it meant that you were safe, Aria. I would do anything to make sure that you are safe.”

“You already did that, Gabriel.” she said softly, giving me a small smile. “I am safe because of you. You cared enough to talk to your dad about a random girl who came to your school. You came to the station to get me. You were so gentle and kind. You were so understanding. You never pushed me or made me feel unsafe. From the first moment I saw you, I felt nothing but peace around you.”

The lump in my throat only grew. I couldn’t stop the tears streaming down my face.

“All my life I felt invisible.” she continued softly. “All my life I felt like no one saw me, and all I ever wanted was to be seen. All I ever wanted was to be found. All I ever wanted was to feel safe. You gave me all that, Gabriel. You saw me. You found me. You made me feel safe. You did more for me than anyone else ever did. You saved me. I am safe. I am okay. I am happy. All of that is because of you.”

I was trying so fucking hard to stop crying, but I couldn’t.

She could have been all that if they had taken me like they wanted to.

“You could have been safe if they had taken me.” I managed to say through my tears.

“But would we be together now?” she asked, wiping the tears from my cheeks.

I tried to take a deep breath, but the lump in my throat was too big.

“You can’t change what happened.” she said softly as she caressed my cheek. “You can wish for it to change, but it won’t. You can’t go back and switch places with me. You may think that I would be safe if you could, but I am safe right here and right now. I wouldn’t change what happened because it led me back to you. Any other scenario might wouldn’t have led me back to you, and I wouldn’t want that.”

My heart was breaking inside of me, but I tried to hold on to her words. She was safe now. She would always be safe from now on.

“I love you so fucking much.” I mumbled as I leaned my forehead against hers.

“I love you too.” she chuckled, running her fingers through my hair.

I finally managed to take a deep breath.

Her words relaxed me a little. A part of me was terrified that she would hate me.

“I was afraid that you would hate me.” I mumbled, my voice trembling. “I was afraid that you would blame me.”

Aria gasped, and I lifted my head to look at her. She stared at me, wide-eyed.

“Are you crazy?” she said. “Why would I hate you? It wasn’t your fault. Nothing that happened to me was your fault, Gabriel. Please don’t think that. I could never hate you. I could never blame you. When dad told us what Owen said to him, all I felt was relief that it was me and not you. I didn’t hate you for a second. I didn’t blame you for a second. It didn’t even occur to me to hate you or blame you until you mentioned it right now.”

Relief washed over me.

She didn’t hate me. She didn’t blame me.

I wrapped her up in a tight hug.

I could feel my heartbeat slow down.

“How are you so wise?” I asked as I let her go. “I’m the older one. I should be the wise one too.”

“I can teach you.” she said, chuckling. “You probably won’t be as wise as I am, but we can try.”

“You little…” I mumbled as I started tickling her.

She gasped and started squirming around, trying to get out of my hold.

“Gabriel!” she said, laughing. “Stop!”

“Say that I am the wiser one.” I said, smirking and continuing to tickle her.

“No.” she said, laughing loudly.

“Say it.” I said as I started to laugh with her.

Her laugh was the most beautiful thing in the world, and it was contagious. I couldn’t help myself.

“I’m going to pee!” she said, trying to grab my hands and stop me. “Stop!”

“I don’t care.” I said. “Say it!”

She laughed, trying to catch a breath.

“Fine!” she exclaimed after a few more seconds of my torture.

I stopped tickling her and smirked. She took a deep breath and giggled.

“Let me hear it.” I said, smirking.

“You are the wiser one.” she said, sighing.

“Well, thank you, little sister.” I said, grinning.

Aria chuckled and shook her head. She looked down at her hands, and a smile disappeared from her face.

I panicked immediately. Did I hurt her? Did j do something wrong? Did I…?

“Gabe?” she called my name quietly.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, panicking.

She lifted her head and gave me a small smile.

“Nothing is wrong.” she said. “I just wanted to ask you something.”

“Ask me anything.” I said, relieved.

“You can say no.” she said, fidgeting with her fingers.

I already knew that I wouldn’t.

“I wondered if you would maybe sleep in my room tonight?” she asked quietly. “I’ve been having nightmares, and I thought that maybe it would help if I wasn’t alone. I understand if you don’t want to. It’s okay, I mean…”

I placed my hand over her mouth to stop her from rambling on. She furrowed her eyebrows.

“I would love to.” I said, smiling brightly.

I moved my hand so she could talk.

“Really?” she asked.

“I always wanted to have a sleepover with a sibling.” I said. “We can watch a movie and eat shit dad would freak out if he saw us eat.”

She chuckled and nodded.

“Deal.” she said, smiling brightly.

I was never happier than right at this moment. I was with my sister, and nothing could go wrong. She was safe. She was happy. She didn’t hate me or blame me.

No one would take this happiness away from me.