He had lived every day as the one before. One after the last the days blurred together. He wanted nothing more than to find something to live for. To have a suicidal mate was unbearable. Especially when she doesn't know she's your mate.
She'd been...
"Please, come out of there and talk to me", I call to her. I tried to give her some space but, I can't take it anymore. After I showed Grimm out she went and locked herself in the bathroom.
"Go away Eros", her words drift through muffled by all the things that stand between us.
"I'm sorry", I say, "I didn't want to overwhelm you".
"So you lied to me?".
"I didn't lie to you", I say.
"A lie of omission is still a lie", she says, "you had no right to keep this from me".
"Please, come out of there" I try again. She says nothing.
"Fine", I say, "if you won't come out I'm coming in". I take a deep breath to quell my doubts. I only ever did what was best for her and everyone else. My shoulder crashes into the door with a loud bang.
"What the fuck!?", she shrieks. I ram into it again and the lock gives way.
"Stop", she shouts. She sits on the floor trying to hide herself against the wall. The air smells acrid and heavy.
"Leave me alone", she says. I crouch down to her eye level. She won't look at me. Her hands are locked over her face blocking out the world.
"I'm so sorry I kept it from you", I pry her hands away. Damp lashes frame glassy eyes. She's pale and splotched pink from her tears. Her lips are chapped to blood.
Something is wrong. Beyond her sadness, I can tell something is off. I took all the pills from the bathroom so it can't be that. She doesn't seem hurt in any physical sense.
"What did you do?", I ask. She refuses to look at me, instead, she stares over my shoulder. I follow her gaze to the toilet.
That first night I met her I remembered thinking of how thin she was. She's so small even still.
"You didn't", she still won't look at me.
"How long?", I ask. She says nothing.
"Why didn't you tell me you were struggling with this?", I ask.
Her cheeks gain color from the heat of her fury, "how could you not tell me I was a wolf?".
"You kept secrets too", I say.
"But, they are my own", she says, "this was never yours and you had no right".
"I hid it because I knew you weren't strong enough for it and I was right", I regret the words the second they pass my lips. She nods and looks to the ground.
"I didn't mean that", I say.
"Yes", she says, "you did".
"I'm sorry", I say.
"I know", she says. I sit down too tired to keep kneeling. We sit for hours in the heavy silence.
"I've never known what I came from", she finally says, "I could never have even a piece of my family. I told myself I hated them since I could never have them. I always knew I was lying to myself but, I was desperate. I've spent so much time trying to make myself feel whole by patching the missing parts with whatever I could. All this time you were holding a piece".
"I'm sorry", I say.
"I know", she says, "I know you never meant to hurt me. I know you are so much better than I deserve".
"That's not true", I say.
"It is", she says, "and it's not fair to you".
"What are you saying?", I ask.
"I think I should go to one of those inpatient places", she says.
"Why are you trying to run away from this?", I ask.
"I'm not", she says, "for the first time in my life I'm not". I take a deep breath to bury the sobs that want to come.
"You know I'm right", she says.
"I know".
A week later she's gone. The week passed too quickly. It was a blur of tears, bittersweet smiles, and hugs that could never be long enough. The visits are never enough. My home how's back to being a house.
I step through my front door knowing she won't be there. My grandmother is where I left her watching telenovelas. I go through the motions of feeding her and helping her to bed just as I did before.
I'm about to leave her room when I feel her grab my hand. I look down at her and she gives me her comforting smile.
"I miss my Maya", she says. I'm surprised at her English. I remember how Aurora told me she called her by it. Instead of correcting her I just agree. I bid her a good night.
It's late by the time I get to bed. The threat of war has increased my workload exponentially. When I finally do get to go to bed it is cold and empty. I knew it would be but, I'm still saddened by it.
When I wake I do not linger. I dress quickly and brush my teeth. There is not temptation keeping me.
It's still too early to wake my grandmother so I do more pack work instead for some hours. I only get up when the sun starts to drift through the blinds. I sigh realizing I have to start my day for real. I hate this empty house.
I go to my grandmother's room to wake her. She does not stir. I nudge her shoulder expecting her to startle awake, she doesn't.
"Hey gumising ka", I say giving her another nudge. It's only then that I notice how stiff she feels. My eyes trail down to her chest staring hard to see its rhythmic rise and fall. She is completely still.
"Wake up!", I shout. She does not listen.
"Don't do this", I beg her. I sink to my knees to kneel next to her bed. I take her hand in mine. Her fingers do not bend to hold mine back as she had only hours before.
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