Call me kitten (boyxboy love) ✓

40. Being aware

Even if Ash left me alone all afternoon, I still had trouble finding the right headspace for work. I simply couldn't let go of what had happened this morning and how it felt. It had been humiliating and exhilarating at the same time and I couldn't not for the life of me understand why I liked it so much. 

It was a special kind of feeling, letting a person have that total power over me, making me do things I would have never done otherwise. I knew that Ash was totally aware of my emotions, my boundaries all the time but still challenged them. It was like he knew beforehand that I would like the clamps, but that I wouldn't even think of them on my own. I thought he had been joking when he had told me that he believed a tiny masochist lived inside me. But he was right. I couldn't get around that.

But no matter how much I had actually enjoyed the things he'd done to me this morning, I was still nervous about the afternoon and night. Going to the sex shop was one thing, that would just be fun, but the club made me anxious. I had been set on spending the night at home since we had been going out so much lately, but Ash probably wanted to show me that there were more clubs than Cupid's Den around town. As long as I didn't have to dance, I would be ok with it.

When I arrived down at the lobby after work, Ash was already there waiting for me. He was practically glowing with anticipation and asked me at once if I had gotten enough rest.

"It depends," I said. "If you make me dance at the club, I'm not rested enough."

His smile was wide, and he shook his head as he pulled me out into the street towards the shop.

"I promise you that you won't have to dance," he assured me, and I sighed in relief.

It felt good that I had already had my first impression of the shop before Ash took me there. He would have probably laughed his ass off if he had seen me that first time when I was there asking for cat ears, but now I was prepared. The rows of stuff didn't baffle me anymore. Ash on the other hand looked like a child on Christmas Day and I couldn't take my eyes off him, he looked so adorable.

"How much can we spend?" he asked and looked longingly at the shelves.

I hadn't spent much money the last year. There wasn't much that really interested me other than computer games, so the money I didn't spend just piled up. Now I wanted to burn a hole in that pile.

"As much as it takes for you to buy what you want to buy," I smiled at him and was locked in a tight embrace in the next second.

"You're fucking insane," he cheered and pressed me even harder to himself, so I was barely able to breathe. But I'll give you an assignment. You must pick something out too. And not just something that you think I might want; it has to be something you want. Ok?"

He let me go and eyed me like he wanted to ensure that I got the assignment. Was there anything I wanted? I had no idea. But I nodded and he started to browse the aisles. I followed him close by, curious to what he would want to buy. The first thing he went up to was the section for cuffs and other stuff you used to tie someone down with. He picked up a contraption that made no sense to me. It had four cuffs instead of two, with broad leather straps linked together to a ring in the middle. The name was even more confusing. Heavy Duty Hogtie Kit. Ash saw my puzzled face and grinned.

"You have ankles too, pet," he said smoothly. "This thing can get you into some very nice positions."

When the mental picture cleared in my head I blushed violently. Why was I even surprised? What did I think? That he would buy some fake, pink whip and be done with it? I cursed my own naivety. Did I really want to know beforehand what he would buy?

"I'm... gonna browse by myself a bit," I mumbled and started down another aisle.

I had to force away all the fantasies popping up in my head on what things Ash would buy and started to focus on what I would want. There was only one thing in my mind and that was the riding crop, but I already had one as I had nicked it from my sister. But there should be more variations of whips here, so I started to search the store. There were more. Many, many more. I ogled the wall where the different kind of hitting tools was on display. Some were small and stiff, others had soft suede ribbons and there were even actual canes.