Break Away

chapter 4

I grabbed the knife from the counter, it was now or never. I walked out the door of Alex's apartment, into the cool, winter air. I shivered as I grabbed his keys out of my pocket and started his car. I quickly pulled it out of the driveway nearly hitting the mailbox. I started to picture what exactly I was going to do to her, she deserved whatever she got. I pulled up to her dark, small house. She was waiting for me outside, with her long blonde hair and blue eyes. I slowly slid the knife into my back pocket. She smiled lightly as I walked up to the steps to her porch...

"Raine, are you okay?" Ryan helped me up. I looked around dazed, I was in my living room on the couch.

"What happened?" I asked Ryan and I tried to get up but I quickly sat back down when my head started to feel faint.

"You told me you had to talk to me and then you just fainted," He said. I started to remember what had happened before, and I suddenly felt sick to my stomach.

Ryan started to get worried, "What's wrong?"

It was now or never. I had to tell him, he had to leave me. I mean I didn't want him to get hurt by my crazy ex-boyfriend who wants me to the point of killing people.

"Look, remember that time that you told me you would do anything for me?"

"Yes. Of course, I meant it. What do you want?"

My heart was pounding out of my chest and my hands were shaking so hard people would think I was having a seizure, "I just... I think that you should stay away from me."

I saw the hurt spread across his face, "You know I couldn't do that, ever."

"Look, I don't want you to get hurt... please just go. It's hard for me to tell you to do this, but I have to. I can't tell you why either, it's so hard to explain."

I saw his eyes grow bigger when he began to realize what was going on, "It's Alex isn't it?"

I had to lie, "No. It's me. I don't think I'm good for you at all," I looked up at him with a poker face, hoping he would buy it.

He didn't, "It's him. I know it's him. Why can't we just go to the cops, Raine?"

"We just can't Ryan! You don't understand."

"What do I not understand? He used to abuse you and now he stalks and threatens you. We need to call the cops."

"Ryan. Just leave. I will take care of this. Just leave before anything happens to you."

"No." He said.

I looked at the clock, it was almost four. I had to make him leave, I thought about what I could say to him to make him leave.

"Ryan, leave. I want you to leave."

"No! Raine, I'm not going to leave you!"

"Ryan! I don't want to be with you anymore! Please, you're just hurting me by staying with me." I said, tears falling from my eyes.

"What, Raine, do you still love him or something?"

"Yes, I do," I said and my heart tore open. I was lying, to save him. I saw all the pain spread through his face, then he just clenched his fists and got up.

"Okay, I'm done."

He walked out of the house just as I saw the clock hit three fifty-five. Everything around me just didn't even matter anymore. I wasn't important. I was being used, abused and hurt.

The person who had cared the most just walked out on me. I was all alone on this. But I needed to be. Ryan's life was at stake.

I almost screamed when I felt a hand touch my shoulder, but then stopped when I realized it was Alex.

"So you did do it... Wow, I didn't think you would sweetheart." He walked over and sat down on the couch with me. I looked at him with disgust, but I was guessing he didn't see me do it.

"It's fine, now." He said and I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

He wiped the tears away from my face and wrapped his arms around me, "Look, everything will be okay. I'm better than him, you need me, you know you do."

Disagreeing with everything he said, but not wanting him to get mad, I just nodded at him.

"Why are you so quiet? Everything is going to be so much better now. Just you and I like old times."

He held me tighter against him and smirked, "Are you giving me the silent treatment now, honey? Look, I just want to let you know that I'm sorry for everything. I just wanted you back. I didn't mean for it to go this far Raine."

"Whatever. You wanted it to go this far. I was happy, could you not see that?"

"Yeah, I did see that. I was jealous. Because I know that I love you so much more than him. We were meant to be together, Raine. I was meant to take care of you. I was meant to protect you. He walked out, I wouldn't do that to you."

I stayed silent, I was not going to give him any satisfaction.

I saw his eyes soften in what I thought was guilt? Alex feeling guilty, I didn't even think it was possible. Maybe he has changed? I quickly shook that thought away. He hasn't changed, he threatened me.

"Raine, please, I'm hurt. You know I do things when I get hurt. Can you please just forget about the past? We can start over, together."

"I don't know..." I hesitated, I wasn't ready for this. I didn't want this at all.

"I understand, I'll give you more time to think about it..."

He kissed my forehead and it brought back memories. He used to do that all the time before he went all crazy. I liked the old him, the old Alex with his amazing blue eyes and his smile... I loved his smile. But did I want this? Was this even meant to happen? Will Ryan be spared?

My thoughts flickered to Ryan. I needed him to be okay. I wanted his life to be okay.

I quickly made the biggest decision I have ever made in less than thirty seconds, "Yes."

Alex looks at me funny, "Wait, what?"

"I said yes. I want to be with you." I said. I knew I had to do this.

He opened his mouth in shock, "Are you serious?"

"Yes. I'm serious."

He just smiled, "Thank you. I won't ruin it this time, I promise."

He leaned down to kiss me; I smiled when his lips hit mine. It felt like old times, and I liked it. I felt disgusted that I liked it. Alex had a hold on me, a hold that no one else could pry away.

I was hoping that it would stay like old times, but it probably wouldn't. I thought about what he had done to me after I tried to dump him. What did I just do? Why did I just get back together with him? I hated him and thought that I needed him at the same time; I needed to break away from that. I suddenly regretted the whole thing as his lips left mine, but it was too late to take it back now. This was all for Ryan. If I couldn't save my own life, I needed to make sure he was safe, no matter what.