Love on the Scale

Chapter Forty-Eight

"What... are you doing here?"

Neil stood outside the apartment. "I need to talk to you."

"We talked on Friday. There's not much to say-"

"Baby, you left before I could finish. There's a LOT to say. Can I come in?"

"No. Look, I'm busy, Neil, okay?"

High-pitched laughter erupted behind me, and Neil looked over my shoulder. "Oh. You have company." He smiled. "Family?"

I nodded, wiped my flour-covered hands on my apron. I became aware all at once of how I must have looked; covered in flour and chocolate. "My brother and sister, yeah. They're here to visit for the day."

"That's great; you said you missed them a lot."

"Chris! Come on, we're hungry!"

I looked back into the apartment, then at Neil. I knew he was hoping I'd invite him in, but I didn't want him inside. The closer he got, the less control I'd have. I'd be saying yes to whatever he wanted after a few minutes. He reached, and I hesitated, but let his finger trail along my wrist. I saw his pain, though he tried to hide it, deep in his eyes. He looked tired, alone. I couldn't send him away looking like that.

"Fine, but I'm putting you to work. You're doing all the mixing. And we don't have a mixer, so you're putting those arms to good use."

He grinned, and slipped past me, already heading towards the kitchen. The kids were shy at first, but his enthusiasm and humor won them over fast. Soon enough, all three of them were covered head to toe in flour, frosting, and candies, laughing their heads off.

With Neil's help, the desserts were finished in record time, all of them into the oven, and I herded the kids into the living room and put a movie on. They only promised to stay put when I promised they would frost one cake by themselves. I headed back to the kitchen and found Neil licking chocolate from his hands.

As he hadn't seen me yet, I watched. There was something childish, joyful, and carefree about the movements. He glanced up, spotted me looking, and his face split into a giant grin. "I've been deprived of chocolate most of my life, if you can't tell."

I reached in the fridge to grab the leftover chocolate chips, dropped them in his lap on the way to my seat. "Oops. You can blame me if you get fired."

His grin faded to a smile as I sat, and he popped a handful in his mouth. The sound of the kids' movie filled the would-be silence, and I leaned back, sighing. I'd missed sitting with him. Even when we didn't talk, there was something in the air. It was thick and sweet... or maybe that was the aroma of cake.

"What did you want to talk about?" I asked, scratching at dried frosting on my hands.

"Us."

He wasn't beating around the bush, that's for sure. "There is no us."

"That's exactly the problem, there should be."

My head dropped back, but he was speaking before I could open my mouth to spew lies, leaned forward to grab my sugar-encrusted hand in his. "Why did you run from me Friday night?"

I didn't want to talk about it, talk to him. Why had I let him in? "I don't know-"

"That's bull, and we both know it." His voice was soft, in direct contrast to his words. "Tell me why, Chris. It took every ounce of power I possessed not to grab you and kiss you until you never left again. Do you have any idea how much I've started to call you? To text you, and visit when I pass by on my way to work- Chris, I need you."

He was begging, and I didn't know what to do. The raw pain... He was laying his heart bare for me to see. Showing me his weak side, the side that needed me, so he thought. Half of my mind jumped for joy. He needed me! He wanted me back! The other half beat the first half down. He didn't need me. He had no idea what he was talking about...

"I don't think you understand why I ended it to begin with," I said, extracting my hand from his. "Neil, I didn't know how to live without you. I tried to kill myself, because I thought you cheated on me. I needed to break free and find myself without you."

"Haven't you done that? You're a model now, Christelle. You were always beautiful, and now the world can see it. You made that dress for the fashion show, and wore it with pride. You weren't hiding, you look me in the eyes when I talk to you. You aren't nervous anymore; not hiding from me. Haven't you found yourself?"

He was right. I was more confident, more happy, than I'd ever been. So why wouldn't I take him back? Why couldn't I give him another chance? Goodness knows I wanted to. I wanted him back. I was scared; so scared of going down the same path as before. Scared he'd end up leaving again, and scared I wouldn't be strong enough the second time around, even with the changes I'd made.

The sudden wetness on my cheeks surprised me, and I pressed my lips together to stifle any sound. Neil was up in a second, hands framing my face. "Why are you crying? Don't..." He kissed my forehead, my eyelids, cheeks... but stopped before my lips. His eyes met mine. "Tell me what you want."

What did I want? I couldn't think with him so close, so I reached in my mind for the first response. "Time. I need to think."

He wasn't surprised. That was my answer for everything. He looked relived. "At least you'll think about it. You probably want me to leave now..."

"No." My answer was immediate. "The kids... they're having fun. We were going to play a game; maybe you could stay for it?"

His teeth flashed at me. "I'll do more than stay. I'll beat every last one of you, no matter the game."

We set off to see if he lived up to his words.