Let's Play A Game, Alpha

25 - Mommy's Home

I never understood why people wore black to funerals. I know it's all about showing your mourning and such over the loss of a loved one, but I just didn't understand it. Shouldn't the common appearance be of white to represent happiness and purity? After all, the person who has died is surely in a better place than their deathbed. We should celebrate death...not fear or mourn or anger it. We should wear bright colors and flower crowns to celebrate the human life.

And death was certainly a factor in the human world. Without it, our world would be overpopulated and complications would arise, causing even more if not fixed on time, causing more and more until the world we live in today could no longer be relished. I'm not saying there isn't any chaos in the crazy world we live in. I'm just saying....death is crucial for human survival. Just imagine the day zombies fight their way through the ground.

I think that is what Vaughn would have wanted.

Unfortunately, my opinion was not the cultural norm. And that was precisely the reason Lucian and I were dressed in black while he drove to the weeping willow where Vaughn was buried under. I had not seen Genie since the night she lost Vaughn. Lucian had mumbled something about how she was already too ashamed to face the pack anymore. It was something beyond my comprehension but I understood enough to be mad at Lucian for the rest of the day, even though less than an hour ago he gave me the greatest pleasure I'd ever known.

"Victoria, can you please listen for one minute?" Lucian suddenly broke the silence that had shrouded the car for the last five minutes. Castleton was grey, just like my mood. Rain clouds broke overhead, hinting at a nightly storm. The sun was nowhere to be found and the howling of the wind inside made me appreciate the warm interior of Lucian's car. He glanced at me as if he were worried I might start shouting and breaking things.

"I am sorry for everything, truly. But there are laws I have to follow as an Alpha. I cannot just ignore them. Genie has been a part of the Winter Wolves for many years and a dear friend of mine as well. Vaughn was my Beta, the most important person after you going by the pack. It's hard for me too, Victoria. I cannot ever replace Vaughn. Beta is a very difficult position to take over in a pack. I have to lead my wolves through this with a cold heart, and I hope you understand."

I picked at the leather seats, indenting my fingernails in the soft leather. Lucian pressed his lips together and stared out the window, which was fogging up from the cold. "I don't understand, Lucian." I said. "But for your sake, I'll lie and say that I do. This whole werewolf thing...it's....so complicated to me. I didn't even think werewolves existed until you broke into my house. I struggle to understand this all. But it's not all my blame to swallow, Lucian. I think sometimes you forget that I am still a human. I used to have a life before this all. Dreams and hopes and desires and feelings, fuck it. And I'm sorry, but it's not the same with you as it would be with....a normal man."

The knuckles on his hand whitened. "Please just accept it, Victoria. It's been weeks."

"I don't think you understand how hard it is for me." I replied softly. "Vaughn was my friend too. I can't figure you out Lucian and maybe I'm not supposed to. But I know under your cold, hard exterior is an actual human heart, whether it may beat or not."

He chuckled darkly. "You aggrandize me, little one."

"I don't think I dignify it enough, Lucian."

"Okay, Victoria."

"Okay, Lucian." I mocked under my breath.

If Lucian heard it, he didn't say anything. With a mere glance at my direction, he stopped the car but didn't move his finger to the unlock doors button. When I gave him a pointed look, Lucian still didn't bother. It seemed like he wanted to say something but just couldn't conjure up the right words to say it. After a moment of silence, Lucian softly asked, "How are you feeling?"