Random short love-themed stuff

A Letter to a Past Lover

I will never be able to say any of this to your face. I will probably never have the chance. Even if I did, I wouldn't want to.

I told you I would love you forever. It's still true, just in a different way. I don't hate, you know that. I love you like an old friend, or maybe a distant brother.

I've figured out a lot of things about you. I figured out that you wanted absolutely nothing to do with me, you wouldn't even allow our - well, I guess it's now just your - friends to talk to me. I figured out that you went to a different girl (it didn't last though). I figured out that you missed me, or maybe you just wanted to mess with my brain. There are just two things I still haven't figured out: what your intentions were with me, and why you left. And they may tie into each other, depending on the answer. I guess I may never know. 

I was deeply in love with you. I cared about you more than anyone else. I trusted you more than anyone else. And I honestly hoped to marry you one day. I meant every word I ever said to you. One of my offers still stands: if you ever need someone to talk to, someone to listen to you, someone to confide in, I will still be there for you. 

I'm beginning to wonder if you ever meant anything you ever told me. You made a lot of promises, most now broken. I like to think that once you did. 

I wonder if you know that your message wrecked me. It tore my heart out, shattered it, and disintegrated it until there was hardly anything left. I cried on the bathroom floor until morning, and cried myself to sleep every night for a month after. I was trying to stay in contact with your friends, to make sure you were doing alright. I was praying that you'd come back. I eventually did realize that you were never coming back, that it was really over. I did eventually come to terms with it and accept it. And I guess you know that I fell in love after a long while with one of your closest friends.

I don't know if you'll ever read this. It doesn't matter anyway.