The Monster's Stratagem (Lesbian Story)

40: Distractions

Once Dawn's sobs had reduced to gentle tears, Syrena guided her to her bed, a tentative hand outstretched towards the girl in case she needed physical support again.

Dawn didn't know what to do with herself. After living for so long believing something, it was difficult to navigate a world where nothing she knew was real. Sitting with her knees brought to her chest, Dawn felt as though her arms were the only things holding her together; holding the shattered mess that she had become. Thinking of all the facts that had been presented to her was overpowering, and she wondered if she had enough strength to endure it. She had spent her entire life fighting, and now she was too tired to continue.

"Do you want anything?" Syrena asked, tone wavering in her uncertainty. It was obvious that she was unused to comforting people, and she wasn't naturally skilled at it either.

Despite the kind effort, Dawn wanted to laugh bitterly. What she wanted was not available to her, what she wanted she could never have. She wanted peace, she wanted a place to belong, she wanted control; she craved it with such ferocity that it was just another thing tearing her apart. Dawn could not have these things, so she simply shook her head.

The thoughts of Freya and Rose hurt the most: the way they both had known, the way Freya had looked at her with a distant coldness, as though she was nothing more than a stranger she had to tolerate. Had Dawn been unkind to her? Had she failed to provide for her sister in the way she needed? Had she failed the family that she thought was hers? Had everything she'd done, every action and step she had taken made the animosity towards her grow?

Dawn wanted to scream again, but she did not have the energy. A new wave of sobs gripped her, and she hid her face within her hands as her tears fell. If there was something she had done, she would give the world to fix it. If there was anything she could do, she would see it done. No matter the price, she would pay it.

Without them, who was she?

Letting her hands fall to her sides, Dawn stared at the bedsheets, lost within her mind. Haunted by her memories, she could see the faces of Zyire, Leixa and Syrena, mouths open in horror after the truth had been disclosed; and Freya's unfeeling stare.

Taking a breath, Dawn attempted to explain her mind to the Commander in a desperate attempt to gain some clarity for herself. Her eyes were unseeing of the scenery around her, too busy remembering how she had been perceived in the eyes of others. "I can't stand being looked at by Monstra as though I'm a tragedy, or being looked at by humans as though I'm..."

"A monster?" Syrena supplied quietly, keeping her gaze to the floor.

Dawn exhaled sharply, all of the air within her lungs leaving her body in one whoosh. "I can't do this."

"Yes, you can."

"How?"

Syrena did not answer, and Dawn highly suspected that she did not have one to give. Instead, she simply took a hold of her wrists and brought her to stand.

Numbly, she allowed Syrena to lead her into the bathroom and, in her daze, followed the instruction to wash the blood off of her arms. While the creature had only clawed at the arm she had held it with, her blood had still managed to splatter onto her other. Not to mention the cuts on her palms from the barbed cage. She could barely feel the sting from her injuries, and she wondered if anything would hurt as much as how she was currently feeling inside.

Once she had finished, Dawn collapsed once more onto the edge of Syrena's bed, staring at her hands. What more could she do now? The facts of her life had been presented to her, and she could no longer hide from them. She was the daughter of Alani and Zyire, half human and half Monstra, her sisters were not her family, and she had lived a lie. Everyone around her had known what she was, and she had endured the first twenty one years of her life under an illusion that only she believed.