split secret - THE NERD IN DISGUISE

never ending pain

if my pain can sing,

you would be my favorite word.

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There is long silence between us

Until he decided to speak.

"Tell me why you did it" he asked me questionably because I was at fault too.

"What did I do to you, so I deserved the.... this whole mess."

"Have you ever loved me?" Have you?"

I met his gaze, which is digging through my emotions.

I don't want to let it out because I knew if he knows the truth. It will ruin our lives. We both, we both will be on the road of misery.

"Yes I loved you.... but I was so tired of this fucking mess.... you created it and you know it. I'm not willing to live with you anymore."

He chucked darkly...but tears escaped from his eyes, I can't stand this...to make him cry. I can't even hold him. I think this is the punishment for me these are the consequences to love someone that desperately where you forgot about yourself either.

"I hope you will be happy now. For making me this miserable" his words were, cut deeper than knife.

I moved backward and started to leaving with tears falling, my cheeks are wet. I didn't want him to see me like this, never. When I reached my car I sped up. I didn't spare him any glance.

Because I am broken. I was sobbing badly. This pain I am feeling now I hope this pain can vanish in thin air with me.

I feel nothing in me but darkness.

It was a dream, he was a dream to me, which turned into a nightmare. I wish I could forget him, but I can't forget him, it makes me vulnerable to think about him. To think about us. His eyes which held innocence, his smile everything about him makes me vulnerable. Yet he is lost.

The boy whom I loved has been lost a long time ago.

I still cherished those memories which I made with him. His scent, his innocent gazes, I still feels it and that's bad.

Yesterday, was worst birthday of my life. I cried all night, my eyes have been swollen and red. I decided to wash up.

I pick a skinny jeans and tube top and a sweater and wore those glasses to hide my pain behind those eyes.

I don't feel like eating but mom makes pan cakes which I can't deny to eat.

I kiss them bye, I entered the classroom it was empty is there a holiday I clutched my head. I checked the time, I arrived early. I sited in the corner near the window I was staring outside. They all are laughing smiling. Why can't I have a normal life, why can't my all miseries comes to an end.

"Erica" I turned my head to see the person.

"is everything all right?" it is Andrew which is giving me toothy smile lucky.

"yeah I am fine" I said gesturing a smile.

"you don't look fine, and you were zoned out"

"I had just little sleep so maybe that's why" I grinned.

"okay" he said.

He sat near me and jade I suppose he is not in the class jackass.

The class started. The rest of the class I was zoned out. So I didn't care to know what professor was teaching I was in hallway my way to cafeteria.

"hey! Care to join me for lunch"

"uh...umm" I thought it wouldn't kill me if I join him just for one day.

"okay"

We headed to cafeteria. I took the sit with Andrew. He sounds pretty nice guy to me.

"I didn't know a lot about you, should we just.... you know" he asked shyly.

"okay"

"what's your favorite color?"

"black and yours"

"green"

"do you have a boyfriend?" I spilled my coffee on my clothes.

"umm...I should go clean-up" I took all my belongings.

I was in girl's room everyone was looking at me like I am some kind of maniac. I cleaned myself.

A group of girl entered the class.

"whoa! Look who it is....... Erica.......... the bitch" she said bitterly.

I ignored them.

A girl came and put her hand on my shoulder.

"why don't have some fun with us.........we all are bored." She is swirling her hair in her finger.

Another girl came slapped me. "you shouldn't have get close to my jade"

"I didn't get closer with you jade." I deadpanned at her.

"you bitch" a girl kicked in my stomach. I clutched my stomach, I was on my period and it hurts badly.

I don't have power to fight them because I am so much in pain already.

A punch threw at my face. And another kick they threw at me.

It was all going blurry.

"Oh my little precious granddaughter you didn't do it clearly." He was chuckling darkly.

"why don't I teach you a lesson" he hit me with a belt. Until I get numb.

"mom dad"

I was saying continuously in hope they will come and save me.

I opened my eyes and shuttled I can't bear this light. I opened again and collected myself. A sharp pain I was in.

I saw myself in mirror, my nose was bloody. A few cuts on my face. I washed my face came out of the girl's room. I was unable to walk. But I was trying my hard to walk.

I left the school because I was not in the condition to face anyone. I don't want them to see me

vulnerable.

I was sitting on the bench in the park.

"bullied again" a hear familiar voice.

"none of your business jade" I said.

"who did this to you" his eyes went dark.

"I said none of your business" a sob escaped from my lips. He embraced me in a hug. I cried in the arms of a stranger for the first time.

"I will find out" he said.

________________________________________________________________________________see you in next chapter ;