Amber

Chapter 12

October 15, 2014

Dear Journal,

I have news. Big news!! We interrupt your regular scheduled programming-news.

I'm sure you've already guessed, but ... Brad called. (Happy dance! Don't judge. Like you wouldn't dance if you had legs?)

I was in the bathroom but not on the toilet—thankfully, getting ready to shower, stripped down to nothing but my socks when I saw the phone glowing on the sink. My first thought was:

Shit.

The water was already running, and I had my iPod playing next to the phone. (One Direction. Again, thanks for not judging.) So I paused the music and scrambled to accept the call while leaning over to shut off the faucet and answer in the calmest "Hey" that I could manage.

"Hey," he said back.

Freaking brilliant. I swear he's a magician of some kind.

Then, since he called me and was the one who asked for my number, I stayed silent and waited for him to say something first. It took him a while—like he forgot the reason he called. Or he had to build up to it, like taking a deep breath before singing.

"So ... what's up?"

His voice sounded different on the phone. Maybe a little lower than usual but also sort of mysterious and sexier, like a bedroom voice.

Side note: All information I have relating to bedroom voices comes from Hannah and her sex-related stories, as I myself do not have any such experiences. But you already know that. Duh.

Maybe it just felt more intimate talking on the phone than in person. We'd only been alone once, and that was outside and not intimate at all except for the rain and the fact that he had called me cute and we were bumping into each other. Quasi intimate, really. But now here he was talking directly into my ear as I straddled the edge of the tub dressed in my nakedness and long socks.

I've never wanted to be not naked more than I did in that moment. Yes it was wildly exciting to hear Brad's voice while I was completely exposed. But I also felt uncomfortable and distracted by it when all I really wanted was to talk to him. HIM him. Like, the him that he probably doesn't show at school. The him that he maybe started to show at his concert but then didn't because of that Jerri girl with the dying lungs. I just wanted him to talk and for me to listen. I wanted to discover Brad as a person, and being naked led to me thinking of discovering him in different ways.

Impure thoughts. That's what journals are for. You're lucky I've kept this PG.

"Nothing. I'm just at home relaxing," I answered.

"That's cool. Me too."

Then I had to beat away the crippling idea that he might be relaxing wearing the same nothingness as me.

"Cool." I swallowed so hard I'm sure he heard.

"I really liked what you said in the library today," he said. "About how books are always watching everyone, selecting who they want to read them and calling out to them so that they can exist inside of that person." He paused, and I pictured him smiling. "Only you would think of that. I mean, you have such a unique perspective."

I waited ...

"It's great."

"Thanks," I said, looking down and frowning at the wrinkle of skin formed on my stomach while sitting. "I guess I look at things a little differently. I don't usually notice though until someone says something like what Jerri said."

"Really? What did she say?"

I brought it up intentionally. It had been in the back of my mind since she said it, and I was dying to know if it was true.