stay with me

Chapter 23

Grey:

It's Saturday. I survived my visit home. I convinced my parents yesterday to take Sam and I back to school today instead of Sunday. It took a list of well thought out reasons and a lot of begging but it worked. After my trip to the cemetery on Thursday I spent the rest of the night crying in my room. The tears just wouldn't stop and I wasn't sure why. My sister came in towards the end of the crying and I didn't even try to act like I wasn't.

"Hey" she says softly as she enters my room cautiously and approaches me slowly like I'm a wild animal and I might spook at any sudden movements.

"Hey" I sniff back as I wipe at some tears.

"Mom said you went to the cemetery. Do you want to talk about it?" she asks. Now my sister isn't the most touchy feely person in the world so I know how difficult it is for her to talk about deep personal things but like the incredible big sister she is she makes those sacrifices for me.

I shrug not truly sure if I do or if I don't. She doesn't say anything she just hands me a tissue and rubs my back and sits with me for a while.

"It's just so hard you know?" I finally blurt out as more tears spill. My head is starting to hurt from all the crying but I still can't seem to stop. "I'm just so mad at him" I finally admit and I immediately feel ashamed.

"At Jason?" my sister asks curiously but there isn't any judgment in her voice like I was worried there would be.

"Yes" I say and she waits for me to continue. "I guess I'm mad at him for not fighting harder to stay here with me and for leaving me here with this mess of emotions that I feel every day."

"That's understandable Grey" Ashley says. "I think anyone in your position would feel that way."

I pause for a minute unsure of what I want to say next. Do I tell her about Hunter? "I met someone" I say making my decision to trust her.

"You did?" she asks surprised but pleased and once again I'm relieved she isn't judging me.

"Yea" I say shyly and I feel my cheeks flush as I think of Hunter. "His name is Hunter. We aren't exactly together yet but I really like him. He's the first person I've met since the accident that makes me feel . . . well anything." It's shocking to hear me say these words out loud to actually admit them to another person, but it also feels good.

"I'm happy for you Grey" she says and I can tell she means it. She looks at me hesitantly before she speaks again like she's not sure she should say what she is going to say next and I feel nervous. "Now don't get mad at me for saying this but Jason would be happy too. I know it's hard to believe that but deep down I think you know it's true."

I pause for a moment as I let her words sink in. Usually whenever someone tries to tell me what he would want or think I normally tell them to go to hell because how dare they think they know him better than I did, but in this case my sister is right. I know because he told me when I was ready that he wanted me to find someone new, someone to make me happy again. He wanted me to be happy. That was all he wanted.

I feel a single tear fall down my cheek as I say "You're right".

My sister and I went on to talk some more but then it got late and we both decided to go to bed. I was glad when my sister went to sleep willingly in her own room. I think she knows I still struggle with nightmares. Friday I spent the day with my family and now here I am packing and preparing to head back to school. Back to Hunter. I smile when I think of him and how I can't wait to see him again. Once all of our stuff is packed into my parents SUV we all get into the car and I close my eyes and prepare myself to slip into the darkness and into unconsciousness. I go to it willingly.